My Birthday Campaign

It's being a minute Writefreak and I were here. We've been on a break and I am actually just here to share something exciting with you. This has nothing to do with relationships or marriage so please indulge me

Soooooo it's my birthday today!!!! Woo hoo. I am extremely grateful to God for his goodness in my life.

I turn a year older and I'm actually wiser. I learned that 800 million people on this planet still don't have access to clean drinking water, and I'm doing something about it.  


 

 

This year, I'm giving up my birthday for charity: water.  Most of us are fortunate to have water and even take it for granted, so I think it will be a cool thing if we help those in need.
Instead of you my dear friends and followers giving me presents, or writing on my Facebook wall, please donate $33 for my 33rd birthday, and help me bring clean water to people in need. 

Of course you can donate any amount you like, that is the most important thing and I will be extremely grateful.

Please go to my campaign for more details on why I am doing this and to donate: http://mycharitywater.org/birthday-pledge-campaign
 

What's really cool is that 100% of the money we raise will directly fund water project costs in the field, and charity: water will prove every single dollar. 

When the project we help fund is complete, they'll send us a digital completion report with GPS coordinates and photos of the community we helped. Here's an example. 

I can't think of a better way to celebrate my birthday than by giving the gift of clean water to people in need. 

Please join me to make my goal a reality. http://mycharitywater.org/birthday-pledge-campaign
Thank you for your support! 

Aloted
P.S. Read this story from charity: water to learn how clean water changes lives.

Amazing Marriage Bundle on Offer!

Hi people,

I would love to recommend 5 books on Marriage to you all.






I follow Dustin Riechmann's blog (author of the 1st book) and I totally love it. I have also read Entangled (book 4) and wow it blew my mind away.

I look forward to reading the other books.

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, this romantic marriage bundle is packed full of resources to strengthen your marriage!

Whether you've been married for 6 months or 25 years, you're sure to find something new and fresh in this collection from top Christian marriage authors and bloggers. Singles intended to marry should also get these books as the information in them are timeless!

Get all 5 ebooks listed below for only $7.40 (a savings of over 80%) for one week only.


 15-Minute Marriage Makeover by Dustin Riechmann 15-Minute Marriage Makeover is more than an ebook; it's a plan designed to refresh your relationship, add sizzle to your sex life and bring more happiness to your marriage. And all of that in just 15 minutes a day!

The exercises in this book focus on the four pillars of a happy marriage -- communication, romance, intimacy and finances -- with time management tools, mini lessons, couple time tasks and a weekly date night to review the topic of the week.  

A Simple Marriage by Corey Allan, PhD Written to help you experience more in your marriage, A Simple Marriage: The Path to Experiencing More in Marriage and Life is a compilation of Corey Allan's experience as a husband and counselor.

Not only will it show you the foundational principles that are present in every marriage and an understanding of where you currently are in your relationship, but it also provides the encouragement, tools and steps to help you invest in your marriage today, whether your spouse is interested in participating or not.

Stripped Down by Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo In Stripped Down: 13 Keys to Unlocking Intimacy in Your Marriage, this husband and wife duo show you how to create a solid marital foundation by placing God at the center of your relationship, establish family boundaries, improve communication, make your bedroom a sanctuary, have fun together and much more.

With frank conversation and practical advice, this ebook will walk you through exercises to invest in intimacy and reconnect with your spouse.

Entangled by Amy Bennett Through her own story, Amy gives readers an honest, detailed look into an emotional affair and how God restored her marriage.

In Entangled: Recognizing Your Emotional Affair &; Restoring Your Marriage, she shares what an emotional affair looks like, how to get out of one and -- most importantly -- how God can meet your deepest need for the love you’re seeking.

The Husband's Guide to Getting Lucky by Marla Taviano With Marla's candid humor, The Husband's Guide to Getting Lucky clues guys in to the way their wives operate and gives them practical suggestions for being husbands their women want to make love to.

Although it's written primarily to men, The Husband's Guide to Getting Lucky provides insight for both men and women into what makes their other half tick and how to achieve a fulfilling sex life.  

This inexpensive Marriage bundle is only available from now till 8am EST on Monday, 2/11. 

Get yours today by clicking HERE or the button below

 

Do Male Virgins exist?

Jeffrey "JT" Tyler  29 Year Old Male Virgin Abstinence Advocate

I was reading One + The one's blog post on men and virginity and it got me thinking. There are a number of ladies just like her who would love to marry a virgin man. The fear however is that such men do not exist and I strongly beg to differ. Anytime I hear the statement there are no virgin men out there or it is not expected that men are virgins, it makes me wonder so who are the heterosexual men sleeping with? Themselves?? Surely not. So that means if heterosexual men are sleeping with heterosexual girls then there shouldn’t be an expectation that girls should be virgins while men shouldn’t be. Do you catch my drift?

Anytime I hear the statement there are no virgin men out there or it is not expected that men are virgins or that male virgins are lame, it makes me wonder so who are the heterosexual men sleeping with? Themselves?? 

So logic tells me if heterosexual men are sleeping with heterosexual girls then there shouldn’t be an expectation that girls should be virgins while men shouldn’t be. Do you catch my drift?

 

Logic aside, I have some good news for V girls looking for V men- they do exist!!! They may not carry a placard around announcing their purity status but they are out there.

Researchers of the Centre of Disease control found that between 2006 and 2008, the percentage of 15- to 24-year-old men who had never had any form of sexual contact* with another person was 27 percent (up from 22 percent in 2002) while the percentage of 15- to 24-year-old females who had never had any sex whatsoever* was 29 percent (up 7 percent points from 22 percent in 2002).

*These includes oral and anal sex.

Interesting stats don't you think?

There are advantages to marrying a virgin just like yourself.

When it comes to love making, you may fail at it together, laugh over it together and learn together. 

The fact that you have kept yourself for each other helps instill trust in yourselves.

You both probably have a sense of sexual responsibility, and a high level of self-discipline. If you didn’t sleep around before marriage that would probably be the case after marriage.

You don’t have to worry about where your partner learnt one “hot” skill during love making.

Now please note that I am not saying being a virgin or marrying a virgin is a SURE guarantee that your marriage will be successful. There are certainly other factors involved in the success of a marriage.

//Side note//

I know some people don’t care much about marrying virgins. They want someone with awesome breathtaking bedroom experience! Lol. That’s fine and your choice. In fact this post isn’t directed at you at all but we don’t mind you reading :)

//End side note//

What I am trying to pass across in this post is that if your heart desire is to marry a virgin just like you- there is hope!  You are not the only one out there.

More and more people (both male and female) are keeping their V statuses and more people are abstaining from premarital sex.

Also it’s possible that you are no longer a virgin but now abstaining from sex till marriage. There are also other people out there like you.

Even though it appears more people are making the decision to remain virgins or abstain from premarital sex, that choice still isn’t so popular. Some people don’t get what the hype is all about but I will encourage you to stick to your conviction.

God who is faithful sees your commitment to sexual purity and keeping yourself for your future spouse. I believe he will honour your desire by giving you someone to marry who is committed to doing the same thing.

More reading

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/41879879/ns/health-sexual_health/#.UQvHxeiHzSw

http://whatthehealthmag.wordpress.com/2011/03/10/is-virginity-the-new-black/

http://chastity.com/seminars/statistics/statistics  

http://soulsistasheart.blogspot.co.uk/2009/05/lets-talk-about-sex.html

A reader's question- Am I over spiritualizing dating?

I got this question sometime last year but due to reasons that are totally my fault I am only getting around to posting this. First of all I apologise to the person who sent the question in for posting this late after promising that I would put this up. Please forgive me. I have no excuse really. I sincerely hope it is not too late for answers.


My people so here's the question for you. This reader needs our sincere advice.

Look forward to your answers. Thanks
Aloted


  ***********************************************************

Just wanted to say I came across your blog, your posts are really encouraging, positive, and changed my perspective on a lot of things. Thank you for sharing.

So I just wanted to know what your thoughts are on overspiritualizing dating/relationships.

I ask this because a few of my friends say that I over spiritualize every aspect of meeting a guy/dating and perhaps this is why i'm still single.

I'm 25, never been in a relationship, not because I've never wanted to but it just never seemed to happened for me (perhaps God allowed this to save me from the pain of heartbreaks until he sent me my partner?) . Perhaps because of my "lack of experience" and because of the fact that i'm an emotional person, i feel very strongly about guarding my heart, I'm very cautious of who I choose to pursue a relationship with. 

I feel very strongly about only dating the person I will eventually marry, partly because I know that my heart can't handle emotional rollercoasters that comes with break ups. This does not mean i'm not friendly to guys who approach me.  

I also feel strongly about becoming friends with a guy first, and if God wills something else may follow, but i'm very selective on who I go on dates with, and I pray about every single aspect of meeting a person and interacting with them, to even dating them. 

I'm "old fashioned" and I strongly believe that a man should have the desire to pursue me and not vice versa but my friends feel like this mindset will keep me single for a while.

Sometimes I think that perhaps I need to get out more and meet more people because God is not just going to drop someone in your lap, but at the same time I don't always have the time to do this. I believe that God will somehow make my path cross with that of my future "king" eventually no matter what.

What are your perspectives/advice on this issue? My aim is to please God and him alone, I desire to date and get married but are some of my thought processes wrong?


P.S Please keep the questions coming in and I promise to be prompt at posting them (so help me God!)

Happy New Year

I know we are 8 days late but better late than never, right? :)

For now we leave you with this poem

"This New Year brings

Another Year

Renewing Hope...

Dispelling care.

And may we find

Before the end,

A deep content...

Another friend"

Arch Ward

Here's to great and solid relationships formed and renewed in 2013.

See you around people
xxx

We were nominated- Nigeria blog awards

Write-freak and I are so so excited!!! Our Blog From the Heart of SoulSistas Blog got nominated not once but TWICE in the Nigerian Blog Awards... Woooo hoooo!!!!!

How cool is that?? Thank you for nominating us. We are humbled to know you believe in us.

Please will you help us win? 

All you need to do is go here, follow the instructions and vote. You don't have to be Nigerian to vote so please don't let that stop you. :)

Please vote in the following categories

1. Best Collaborative or Group Blog- From the heart of soulsistas
2. Best Relationship Blog- From the heart of soulsistas

Also my personal blog Purpose Driven Blog was nominated for Best Faith Based Blog as well. Please vote my blog for this category. Pretty please

We will be extremely grateful if you do this for us.

Voting ends Nov 11 but please do it now so you don't forget. :)

Thank you all

God bless!
Aloted

My best friend is getting married to Mr Wrong- What do I do?

Hi friends,

We hope you are doing well?

Please read below. Please can you advise Tara on what to do concerning her best friend? 

Thanks

Aloted

***************************************************************************

 I am 30 years old and I have been married for two years and I have a son. My bestie is the same age as me but isn’t married. We are both Christians.

source: google images

She has dated a few men but it didn’t work out. Her last relationship ended in heart break. She met this man a few months ago and they are already talking marriage. Personally I don’t think this man is good enough for her. I think she is settling for less. Growing up we both had a list for marriage- “must have” and “can’t stand”. We said we would never marry someone who has any of our “can’t stand” characteristics. This man has at least three of her “can’t stand” features! He is not born again (yes he goes to church but I know he isn’t), he smokes socially when with friends (or so he says) and he has been married before with two kids.

I have tried to remind my friend about our lists but she was like that was when we were young and in fairytale land. This is reality and time is ticking. She says the guy loves her (and has a lot of her must have features) and compared to the other guys she has dated even Christians he has been honest with her about himself.

I am shocked my friend is saying all these; I am not even sure about her spiritual life anymore. I think she is angry with God over her past failed relationships. I asked if she is ready to be a step mum and be involved in his former wife’s drama. She said the former wife and children live abroad and won’t be part of their lives. That she is a big girl and can handle it. She doesn't want to talk about it anymore.

I am scared my friend is making the wrong choice out of desperation. I love her and don’t want to see her hurt. But I am happily married with a child and she once said jokingly don’t I want her to join me in married life so we can swap stories. Of course I want her to be married but to the right man. Gosh! That is so not what marriage is about- swapping stories.

How do I get through to my friend? Her parents are late and she is the eldest of her siblings. This guy is rich and has promised to take care of her and her siblings.

Do you think I am over reacting? I don’t want to lose my best friend over this man but I am very worried for her.

Please what do I do?  Thank you

Tara.

Healing and Moving on: Are they the Same?

Today we are honored to have a guest post by Maggielola who blogs at worshipandswag.com. I was totally blessed by her wittiness. I hope this post helps someone who needs healing out there.

source: google images

Healing and Moving on: Are they the same? Maybe they are. Indeed we use them interchangeably and rightfully so. But like fraternal twins, one is orobo (fat) and the other is lepa (slim). I say this because they convey the same meaning but sadly, we have collapsed their functions into one word: moving on.

Be Our Guest

Quick Notice!!!

We are now accepting guest posts on the soulsistas' blog.

For more information, please check our guest post guidelines.

Have a blessed week!

Know Yourself Before You Get Married

"Can two walk together except they agree?" Amos 3.3

source: google images

Knowing yourself is a prerequisite to knowing WHO to marry. When you are truly aware of who you are it will be hard for you to marry Mr. Wrong. 


Knowing yourself helps you know your value and your worth. That way you would not sell yourself short. It will be easy to separate the weed from the chaff (yes we are talking about men)


Getting married shouldn’t be based on sentiments, pity or lofty emotions. In fact I almost see choosing a life partner as a form of business transaction.

Some areas to know about yourself include:


Your Strengths


God has given every single person strengths and abilities. What are you excellent at? What do you do flawlessly? Note them down; if you are not sure ask your friends and family.


In a successful marriage your strengths should complement your partner’s weaknesses e.g. you are good with excel spreadsheets and keeping account of your finances. This will be a great benefit to a man who loves to spend but needs someone to balance the accounts.



Your Weaknesses

These are areas you are struggling with or working on. It does not make sense to marry someone who has similar weaknesses to you. You are heading for doom.

I once dated a guy who was very short tempered. I on the other hand can be hot tempered and quick to vent when I am angry (ya ,ya I am improving, marriage is teaching me! Thanks for your concern..lol).

I saw him angry on a few occasions and let’s just say it was never a pleasant sight. He was a good man and ticked a lot of boxes. However recognising my own weakness, I knew it would be suicidal to marry him. I bowed out as fast as I could.

If you are like me, you want to marry a man that compliments your hot temperedness. Someone who is patient and calm, who can douse your anger when it raises its ugly head.


Can you tell by now I have a calm husband?



Your Passions

What are you passionate about? What gets you going? What keeps you alive and fulfilled? This is another key area you cannot compromise on.

If your intended is not thrilled about your passion or his passion will not make room for you to follow your passion, then think twice before signing the dotted line.

Marriage should benefit both parties not just the man.

You don’t have to be passionate about the same things but the key is in knowing if the man you want to marry will support your passion and not hinder you from fulfilling it.



Your Purpose

This is similar to your passion but is of a higher nature. Your purpose is bigger than you. What is your purpose in life? What is your vision? Will marrying this guy kill your purpose or make it come to live.


What is the man’s vision? Do you see yourself being a part of his vision?


Does he even have a vision? If he doesn’t, um how are you going to help him?Remember a key role of the wife is to be a help-meet to the husband, so he has to have something you are helping him with, right?


When you get married your destiny is tied to the person you marry FOREVER. A lot of marriages are in trouble today because the man and wife have separate visions and there is no common ground. This drives them further apart and before you know it there is resentment and unfufillment in the marriage. Infidelity and Divorce lurk quietly around the corner.

This will not be your story but you have to do the work BEFORE marriage. Invest in knowing yourself and any man that wants to marry you. It will make identifying Mr Right easier.

God has given you wisdom; use it when choosing your life partner.

Marriage is hard work enough; don’t make your life and future any more complicated by marrying someone you are not compatible with. 

Singles- do you think it is important to know who you are and if you are compartible with someone before marriage?


Married folks- was compartibility a determining factor in choosing your spouse or not?  

We will love to hear from you. Please leave us a comment or question in the comment section below.




 
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Sex Interrupted

It is my pleasure to introduce Sarah Teibo the author of "Sex Interrupted", a book highly recommended for every single and even parents.

Sarah and I both worked in Accenture Lagos years ago and I knew her as a very sweet and friendly lady. We kept in touch on and off, and recently met up in the UK again. When I found out she wrote a book on Sex, I was so excited and knew we had to feature her on this blog. Y'all know we are passionate about this subject and we have talked a bit about Sex on this blog here and here.

Ok before I turn this into another blog post, please meet Sarah and what she has to say about her book "Sex Interrupted". Thank you Sarah for agreeing to this interview.



Blessings,
Aloted

*****************************************************

1.     Please tell us about yourself - I am a Certified Accountant and currently work in one of the UKs biggest banks. When I’m not number crunching and trying to proactively manage my stakeholders, I enjoy singing and writing. My writing varies from writing music, to novels, to stage plays and Christian literature. In addition to this, I do a lot of motivational speaking. I am also married with a three year old daughter.

2.     When did you first consider yourself a writer? I first found out about my writing abilities in Secondary School, when I scored high grades for writing original fictional stories. I knew I had the gift, but did not know I would one day call myself a writer.

3.     What books did you read growing up? Pacesetter and Mills and Boon novels. There was hardly any Christian literature that addressed the youth and youthful interests.

4.     What books have influenced your life most? Definitely the Bible

5.     “Sex Interrupted” I love the title- how did you come up with that title? When I finished the first draft, I called it Sex and the Single. However, I wanted something catchy, something that would get people talking without giving too much away. And so Sex Interrupted was born.

6.     Is Sex Interrupted your first book? If not, how many books have you written published and unpublished? It is my first published book. I’m working on a couple of books on relationships at the moment

7.     What is the inspiration behind Sex Interrupted? I was motivated to write Sex Interrupted from my own personal experiences while dating my husband. Resisting the urge to have sex was one of my greatest struggles and in my quest to understand why love could make you do foolish things and how to repress the earnest yearnings of my flesh, I did some studying and research and ended up with the book. I also have a passion for enlightening young people on the truth about sex and to correct the misconceptions some have on this most interesting topic, so felt inspired to share it with the world.

8.     How long did it take you to write your book? Writing the manuscript lasted just under two years

9.     What challenges did you face when writing your book? The biggest challenge was probably writer’s block

10.   So tell us a bit about the book- What genre of book will you categorise your book? Who did you write the book for?    My writing style in Sex Interrupted is very unique in that each chapter starts with a fictional story that many young single people can relate to and then goes on to practical Biblical principles and tips on the topic being addressed. This makes the book fit into quite a number of genres. I would categorise it as ‘Christian’, ‘Relationships’ and ‘Romance’. Issues touched on in the book include pornography, sexual abuse, the reality of the Christian’s struggle, overcoming sexual pressure from within, seduction, and a lot more. The target audience for this book is youth and singles, but I’ve had a number of parents who bought it and came back to me with great feedback, so I would say everyone could benefit from reading it.

11.   Is there a message in your book that you want to pass across to your readers? Abstinence is difficult, but it is possible

12.   Should we expect more books from you? Yes, I am currently working on a fiction novel on relationships

13.   What do you like to do when you're not writing? Watch comedy

14.   For those who would like to buy your book, where can they get it from? The eBook can be ordered from amazon by clicking here the hard copies can also be ordered on amazon by clicking here or by going to http://www.sarahteibo.co.uk/ (for those in Ghana and Nigeria)

 Sarah can be found on facebook and on her website http://www.sarahteibo.co.uk/

Sexual Purity

A few weeks ago, there was a hot question on Myne’s Blog about Christianity and sex. I read through the comments and was very thrilled and pleased to see that a number of Christians voiced out their opinion against premarital sex. We all know that the subject of premarital sex can be controversial and a lot of people see nothing wrong with it. However more and more young adults are beginning to realise that it is a big deal and it pays to wait till marriage to have sex.

theresurgence.com

We would not be addressing why premarital sex is wrong today. We already addressed this in the let's talk about sex post. We want to share practical steps on how to avoid falling into the temptation of sexual sin or fornication as the bible puts it when dating/courting.  Many young christians struggle with this issue in their relationships. Society has made us believe it is not possible to abstain from premarital sex or to be sexually pure but that is a lie from the pit of hell. If it were not possible God would not have commanded it. 

These tips are for singles who take sexual purity seriously and want to commit to God, themselves and their future spouse.

Be sure you and your boyfriend are on the same page when it comes to being sexually pure. We don’t believe only the girl in a relationship should be concerned about being sexually pure, both the guy and girl are to be held to the same standards, God's standards. What does sexual purity and sexual sin mean to both of you. Read verses in the bible that talk about sexual immorality and discuss them. Make sure you do this early in the relationship before your emotions start raging high (at this point it will be hard to make any reasonable decisions). If you realise you are both on different pages, then it might be worth reevaluating the purpose of that relationship. Our advice is that you going into a relationship with a fellow christian who is on the same page as you. This will make it easier to overcome sexual sin.

Write out your standards and ask God to help you stick to them. You can make your own purity pledge cards or check google and print one and keep on you. Some singles choose to wear a purity ring or purity necklace or bracelet till they get married. Both of you should be committed to sticking to your pledge however don’t rely on your boyfriend to enforce the standards. If your boyfriend is weak, you have to step up, be strong and nip things in the bud.  

 

Tell yourself it can happen to you. I think one big problem that dating Christians have is they think it cannot happen to them i.e. falling into sexual sin. As a result, temptation creeps up on them and they are ill prepared. By acknowledging that you are human and you have feelings and that YOU can fall into sexual sin, you can be more prepared and guard yourselves against sin.

Be accountable to others about your relationship. Find a mentor, this could be an older Christian married couple or another Christian dating couple you trust and who takes sexual purity seriously and be accountable to them. When you know you have to report back on your dating affairs to someone that should help keep you in check.

Focus on talking and not on touching. Communication is very essential to the success of a relationship. Talk about anything and everything. The more you talk the more you know about the other person and the more you touch, the less you talk and the less you know about the other person. 

 

Plan your time together well in advance on activities to do together. Avoid staying indoors for long or in places where you cannot be interrupted. This can be a very conducive atmosphere to fall into temptation. Go out more often, spend time with other dating couples, spend time with family and spend more time in public places. This forces you to do more talking and less touching.  Sleepovers are a no-no or sitting in the car together alone. You are only setting yourselves up for a fall.

This might sound odd but don’t pray together behind closed doors. I have found that praying together makes you feel close and intimate  and could actually lead you to other things you are trying to avoid.

Renew your mind. Sexual purity starts from the mind. What are you feeding your mind on, what books do you read, what TV or Internet programs do you watch, what type of music do you listen to. Feed your mind with the word of God, inspirational books, and edifying materials. I am not saying watching movies is bad but it gets to a point in your christian walk that you find some movies or music unedifying.

Take the relationship sloooooow… When things are moving too fast like a car going out of control, pull the brakes! Ask yourself why the rush, where are we rushing to? Be in control of your relationship and not the relationship in control of you. Time has a way of showing us what really matters. Remember Love is patience

Engaged couples are even more susceptible to premarital sex.  Don’t get engaged till there is a wedding date in sight. Be more on your guard. Avoid tapping into the privileges of marriage before marriage especially sexually. Quarter to marriage is not the same as being married.

If you have fallen into sexual sin, there is still hope for you. The key is not to stay defeated or think oh well, "I might as well continue since I am in it already". No! Repent, ask God to forgive you and restore you back to him. Staying sexually pure is possible. Implement a plan to avoid falling into future temptation, as they will come

God honours sexual purity. A lot of marriages are in trouble today because of the seed of sexual immorality that was sown premarital days. The cost of  sexual impurity is very high and as a child of God do what you must to avoid it.

We would love to hear your tips on staying sexually pure .

God bless