Do Male Virgins exist?

Jeffrey "JT" Tyler  29 Year Old Male Virgin Abstinence Advocate

I was reading One + The one's blog post on men and virginity and it got me thinking. There are a number of ladies just like her who would love to marry a virgin man. The fear however is that such men do not exist and I strongly beg to differ. Anytime I hear the statement there are no virgin men out there or it is not expected that men are virgins, it makes me wonder so who are the heterosexual men sleeping with? Themselves?? Surely not. So that means if heterosexual men are sleeping with heterosexual girls then there shouldn’t be an expectation that girls should be virgins while men shouldn’t be. Do you catch my drift?

Anytime I hear the statement there are no virgin men out there or it is not expected that men are virgins or that male virgins are lame, it makes me wonder so who are the heterosexual men sleeping with? Themselves?? 

So logic tells me if heterosexual men are sleeping with heterosexual girls then there shouldn’t be an expectation that girls should be virgins while men shouldn’t be. Do you catch my drift?

 

Logic aside, I have some good news for V girls looking for V men- they do exist!!! They may not carry a placard around announcing their purity status but they are out there.

Researchers of the Centre of Disease control found that between 2006 and 2008, the percentage of 15- to 24-year-old men who had never had any form of sexual contact* with another person was 27 percent (up from 22 percent in 2002) while the percentage of 15- to 24-year-old females who had never had any sex whatsoever* was 29 percent (up 7 percent points from 22 percent in 2002).

*These includes oral and anal sex.

Interesting stats don't you think?

There are advantages to marrying a virgin just like yourself.

When it comes to love making, you may fail at it together, laugh over it together and learn together. 

The fact that you have kept yourself for each other helps instill trust in yourselves.

You both probably have a sense of sexual responsibility, and a high level of self-discipline. If you didn’t sleep around before marriage that would probably be the case after marriage.

You don’t have to worry about where your partner learnt one “hot” skill during love making.

Now please note that I am not saying being a virgin or marrying a virgin is a SURE guarantee that your marriage will be successful. There are certainly other factors involved in the success of a marriage.

//Side note//

I know some people don’t care much about marrying virgins. They want someone with awesome breathtaking bedroom experience! Lol. That’s fine and your choice. In fact this post isn’t directed at you at all but we don’t mind you reading :)

//End side note//

What I am trying to pass across in this post is that if your heart desire is to marry a virgin just like you- there is hope!  You are not the only one out there.

More and more people (both male and female) are keeping their V statuses and more people are abstaining from premarital sex.

Also it’s possible that you are no longer a virgin but now abstaining from sex till marriage. There are also other people out there like you.

Even though it appears more people are making the decision to remain virgins or abstain from premarital sex, that choice still isn’t so popular. Some people don’t get what the hype is all about but I will encourage you to stick to your conviction.

God who is faithful sees your commitment to sexual purity and keeping yourself for your future spouse. I believe he will honour your desire by giving you someone to marry who is committed to doing the same thing.

More reading

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/41879879/ns/health-sexual_health/#.UQvHxeiHzSw

http://whatthehealthmag.wordpress.com/2011/03/10/is-virginity-the-new-black/

http://chastity.com/seminars/statistics/statistics  

http://soulsistasheart.blogspot.co.uk/2009/05/lets-talk-about-sex.html

Sex Interrupted

It is my pleasure to introduce Sarah Teibo the author of "Sex Interrupted", a book highly recommended for every single and even parents.

Sarah and I both worked in Accenture Lagos years ago and I knew her as a very sweet and friendly lady. We kept in touch on and off, and recently met up in the UK again. When I found out she wrote a book on Sex, I was so excited and knew we had to feature her on this blog. Y'all know we are passionate about this subject and we have talked a bit about Sex on this blog here and here.

Ok before I turn this into another blog post, please meet Sarah and what she has to say about her book "Sex Interrupted". Thank you Sarah for agreeing to this interview.



Blessings,
Aloted

*****************************************************

1.     Please tell us about yourself - I am a Certified Accountant and currently work in one of the UKs biggest banks. When I’m not number crunching and trying to proactively manage my stakeholders, I enjoy singing and writing. My writing varies from writing music, to novels, to stage plays and Christian literature. In addition to this, I do a lot of motivational speaking. I am also married with a three year old daughter.

2.     When did you first consider yourself a writer? I first found out about my writing abilities in Secondary School, when I scored high grades for writing original fictional stories. I knew I had the gift, but did not know I would one day call myself a writer.

3.     What books did you read growing up? Pacesetter and Mills and Boon novels. There was hardly any Christian literature that addressed the youth and youthful interests.

4.     What books have influenced your life most? Definitely the Bible

5.     “Sex Interrupted” I love the title- how did you come up with that title? When I finished the first draft, I called it Sex and the Single. However, I wanted something catchy, something that would get people talking without giving too much away. And so Sex Interrupted was born.

6.     Is Sex Interrupted your first book? If not, how many books have you written published and unpublished? It is my first published book. I’m working on a couple of books on relationships at the moment

7.     What is the inspiration behind Sex Interrupted? I was motivated to write Sex Interrupted from my own personal experiences while dating my husband. Resisting the urge to have sex was one of my greatest struggles and in my quest to understand why love could make you do foolish things and how to repress the earnest yearnings of my flesh, I did some studying and research and ended up with the book. I also have a passion for enlightening young people on the truth about sex and to correct the misconceptions some have on this most interesting topic, so felt inspired to share it with the world.

8.     How long did it take you to write your book? Writing the manuscript lasted just under two years

9.     What challenges did you face when writing your book? The biggest challenge was probably writer’s block

10.   So tell us a bit about the book- What genre of book will you categorise your book? Who did you write the book for?    My writing style in Sex Interrupted is very unique in that each chapter starts with a fictional story that many young single people can relate to and then goes on to practical Biblical principles and tips on the topic being addressed. This makes the book fit into quite a number of genres. I would categorise it as ‘Christian’, ‘Relationships’ and ‘Romance’. Issues touched on in the book include pornography, sexual abuse, the reality of the Christian’s struggle, overcoming sexual pressure from within, seduction, and a lot more. The target audience for this book is youth and singles, but I’ve had a number of parents who bought it and came back to me with great feedback, so I would say everyone could benefit from reading it.

11.   Is there a message in your book that you want to pass across to your readers? Abstinence is difficult, but it is possible

12.   Should we expect more books from you? Yes, I am currently working on a fiction novel on relationships

13.   What do you like to do when you're not writing? Watch comedy

14.   For those who would like to buy your book, where can they get it from? The eBook can be ordered from amazon by clicking here the hard copies can also be ordered on amazon by clicking here or by going to http://www.sarahteibo.co.uk/ (for those in Ghana and Nigeria)

 Sarah can be found on facebook and on her website http://www.sarahteibo.co.uk/

Sexual Purity

A few weeks ago, there was a hot question on Myne’s Blog about Christianity and sex. I read through the comments and was very thrilled and pleased to see that a number of Christians voiced out their opinion against premarital sex. We all know that the subject of premarital sex can be controversial and a lot of people see nothing wrong with it. However more and more young adults are beginning to realise that it is a big deal and it pays to wait till marriage to have sex.

theresurgence.com

We would not be addressing why premarital sex is wrong today. We already addressed this in the let's talk about sex post. We want to share practical steps on how to avoid falling into the temptation of sexual sin or fornication as the bible puts it when dating/courting.  Many young christians struggle with this issue in their relationships. Society has made us believe it is not possible to abstain from premarital sex or to be sexually pure but that is a lie from the pit of hell. If it were not possible God would not have commanded it. 

These tips are for singles who take sexual purity seriously and want to commit to God, themselves and their future spouse.

Be sure you and your boyfriend are on the same page when it comes to being sexually pure. We don’t believe only the girl in a relationship should be concerned about being sexually pure, both the guy and girl are to be held to the same standards, God's standards. What does sexual purity and sexual sin mean to both of you. Read verses in the bible that talk about sexual immorality and discuss them. Make sure you do this early in the relationship before your emotions start raging high (at this point it will be hard to make any reasonable decisions). If you realise you are both on different pages, then it might be worth reevaluating the purpose of that relationship. Our advice is that you going into a relationship with a fellow christian who is on the same page as you. This will make it easier to overcome sexual sin.

Write out your standards and ask God to help you stick to them. You can make your own purity pledge cards or check google and print one and keep on you. Some singles choose to wear a purity ring or purity necklace or bracelet till they get married. Both of you should be committed to sticking to your pledge however don’t rely on your boyfriend to enforce the standards. If your boyfriend is weak, you have to step up, be strong and nip things in the bud.  

 

Tell yourself it can happen to you. I think one big problem that dating Christians have is they think it cannot happen to them i.e. falling into sexual sin. As a result, temptation creeps up on them and they are ill prepared. By acknowledging that you are human and you have feelings and that YOU can fall into sexual sin, you can be more prepared and guard yourselves against sin.

Be accountable to others about your relationship. Find a mentor, this could be an older Christian married couple or another Christian dating couple you trust and who takes sexual purity seriously and be accountable to them. When you know you have to report back on your dating affairs to someone that should help keep you in check.

Focus on talking and not on touching. Communication is very essential to the success of a relationship. Talk about anything and everything. The more you talk the more you know about the other person and the more you touch, the less you talk and the less you know about the other person. 

 

Plan your time together well in advance on activities to do together. Avoid staying indoors for long or in places where you cannot be interrupted. This can be a very conducive atmosphere to fall into temptation. Go out more often, spend time with other dating couples, spend time with family and spend more time in public places. This forces you to do more talking and less touching.  Sleepovers are a no-no or sitting in the car together alone. You are only setting yourselves up for a fall.

This might sound odd but don’t pray together behind closed doors. I have found that praying together makes you feel close and intimate  and could actually lead you to other things you are trying to avoid.

Renew your mind. Sexual purity starts from the mind. What are you feeding your mind on, what books do you read, what TV or Internet programs do you watch, what type of music do you listen to. Feed your mind with the word of God, inspirational books, and edifying materials. I am not saying watching movies is bad but it gets to a point in your christian walk that you find some movies or music unedifying.

Take the relationship sloooooow… When things are moving too fast like a car going out of control, pull the brakes! Ask yourself why the rush, where are we rushing to? Be in control of your relationship and not the relationship in control of you. Time has a way of showing us what really matters. Remember Love is patience

Engaged couples are even more susceptible to premarital sex.  Don’t get engaged till there is a wedding date in sight. Be more on your guard. Avoid tapping into the privileges of marriage before marriage especially sexually. Quarter to marriage is not the same as being married.

If you have fallen into sexual sin, there is still hope for you. The key is not to stay defeated or think oh well, "I might as well continue since I am in it already". No! Repent, ask God to forgive you and restore you back to him. Staying sexually pure is possible. Implement a plan to avoid falling into future temptation, as they will come

God honours sexual purity. A lot of marriages are in trouble today because of the seed of sexual immorality that was sown premarital days. The cost of  sexual impurity is very high and as a child of God do what you must to avoid it.

We would love to hear your tips on staying sexually pure .

God bless

Lots of sex keep our marriage alive ~ Mrs T

We are thrilled to bring you today's guest blogger on the Love chronicles Series- a blogger who choses to remain anonymous. We would refer to her as "Mrs T".  She shares with us about the importance of hearing from God before getting married, that love distance relationships can work, that marriage proposals can happen via email and that lots of sex in marriage can spice up a dry marriage. Very important ;o)  Thank you, Mrs T for sharing your love life with us. 

What’s happening to marriage?

Today we shall begin our discussion on Selwyn Hughes (SH) book- “Marriage as God intended”. This chapter addresses why marriages break up.  Please note that throughout the book discussion over the next couple of weeks we would be picking key points from the chapters whilst adding in our own thoughts and not rewriting the whole book so I’ll highly recommended like I did last time that you get the book.

Let’s go there…. (I just had to chip that in...lol)

Ok so I won’t go into all the scary statistics but it is not news today that a lot of marriages are in trouble. We have all heard about Kim K's 72 days of marriage resulting in divorce. What a shame! A lot of marriages around us are breaking up and the numbers keep increasing by the day. Which worries me because it shows that marriage and family are becoming less and less important to people.

SH highlights 4 main reasons why marriages are going downhill:

Let's talk about SEX

So we all know what this means and i definitely don't need to give a definition. This is one topic that is mostly talked about and also mostly 'shyed' away from. In some churches, the mere mention of the word sex makes you a sinner. Sex is a spiritual act, a connection between two souls that should not be trivialised and should be celebrated.

Sex as originally designed by God is supposed to be an act between a man and a woman, not just any man and woman but a man and woman joined together in marriage. I'm aware that this is contrary to popular belief but sex as ordained by God i reiterate is an act designed to be between to married people, a man and a woman. It's sad to see how such a holy act has been 'bastardised'.

In Genesis, God gave Eve to Adam as a help meet for him, they were naked with each other and not ashamed. Eve had become Adam's wife after God fashioned her out of him and they were naked with each other! The bible says in Genesis 2: 23-25

'And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed'.
Please note it says here a man shall cleave to his wife, not his girl friend, not his friends with benefit, not his friend, not his sister, not his fiancee, his WIFE.

The temptation to have premarital sex is so great, it takes the grace of God to say NO and be able to stand by it. I'm aware some people can do it by mere determination but for us lesser humans, we need to rely solely on the grace of God. Our minds are bombarded every hour of the day by sexual innuendos, some even very direct. Everywhere you turn, it's the sex talk. It's definitely not easy to say no. The philosophy creeping around 'if it feels good then it's right' also doesn't help matters. Lord knows sex gives a very good feeling, on the basis of that philosophy, then sex in any form is right, right? Wrong! Remember, we're making the bible our base and i just established the bible says sex is between a man and his wife or if you prefer a woman and her husband...

Now that we established that sex is between a married couple,I'm sure you're wondering so what should i do with all these temptations! For the unmarried ladies, there are so many fine brothas out there, in fact they wouldn't even date you if they found out you were celibate and for the guys, Lord knows the babes are revealing more and more cleavage these days! What's a brother to do? Well, a sister is to keep her values and a brother's to marry or keep himself. It's tough I know and like i said we need GRACE. But trust me, I've been there.

What qualifies me to write this? I'm married and all and do i even know what single people go through? Well, I was in a relationship with the Mr over 6 years before we tied the knot and although celibacy was a mutual decision since we base our lives on the word, we had our temptations and challenges. I'm glad to say we waited though, so I know I qualify to say Ring on before you let him in or if you're a guy, you both have to have given her that ring before you can ask her for sex.

I'll give some reasons why i totally support abstinence and why i think it's a good idea for anyone to wait for marriage.
1. As a Christian, you have a clear conscience towards God. God has said not to do it, what better reason not to do it. You can approach God with peace in your heart. We all know what weight it feels like when you know you shouldn't do something and you keep doing it.

2. Respect. you get to respect yourself as an individual and also the other person. You know that the other person is not only looking to get under your clothes. The fact that they respect you helps them to keep their hands off.

3. No emotional baggage: Sex is a spiritual thing. It is a fusion of two souls, a transference of spirit takes place when you have sex. Whether you have it with one guy or more, why become one with someone you're not married to? How many people are you going to be one with?

4. Trust and discipline. When you eventually marry, you're able to trust that guy or that woman more. If he can't keep his hands off you before marriage, how do you know he can keep his hands off other ladies after he's married to you? If he showed some discipline with you before marriage, he'll most likely be disciplined enough to keep his hands off other girls that tempt him after marriage. Trust me, the temptation doesn't end in marriage.

5. A clear sense of judgement. When you have sex with someone especially when you enjoy it, you have the tendency to overlook their faults no matter how major. This way you can end up marrying someone you shouldn't or wouldn't have married under clear circumstances. Sex gives you a soul tie to someone.

6. You enter marriage with realistic expectations. When you haven't had other sexual partners, it's hard to compare your partner to anyone. You get to understand how to please each other and not think like oh no, B was better in this sense.

7. You get to know the 'real' each other. Most people have bad marriages because the time they should have spent discovering each other, their likes and dislikes, they spend in bed. Spend that time outdoors instead of behind closed doors.

8. When you abstain from premarital sex, you don't have to worry about pregnancy and even sexually transmitted diseases.

I could think of a lot of other reasons but I think this captures the essence of everything.
This post is only a foundation to the Sex talks series, in my next post, I'll be talking about how to abstain from sex and also if you have any questions, you can leave them in the comment box or send a mail to our mail address and they will be tackled in the next post. If you don't want us to mention names, we won't!

Have a blessed weekend! Remember abstinence is possible!

Recommended reading: http://www.premaritalsex.info/