How many times have you heard the phase “I’ll just relax and go with the flow”. Usually a lot of us say this when we don’t want to make a crucial decision especially when it comes to living our life to the fullest, or regarding relationships. We tend to cover up making a decision with “going with the flow.”One common example of going with the flow-
You meet a nice guy, Mr A, you like him, you think he likes you. He calls you almost everyday, does all the nice things guys do, yet he does not declare his intentions. You can’t determine exactly what is going on, but he treats you somewhat like his girlfriend. Oh, well, you tell yourself, I’ll just go with the flow and see what happens.
Who is in control of the whole situation- certainly not you, my sister! Your life is literally on a standstill, waiting for Mr A to call or to say or do something. You can’t do anything else, you can’t think of anything or anyone else, you ignore other "potential" etc. When things don’t turn out the way you expect, you blame Mr A for leading you on. Well, Mr A might have led you on but you won’t feel as bad if you were "running things", right?
When you go with the flow, it means you have given control to everyone else or your circumstances. You tend to be reactive and not proactive. You only make a move, when the tides & waves of life are thrown at you, instead of creating exciting opportunities for your life. As a result, your decisions are uninformed, hasty, in a panic and might end up in pain or in a disaster. Yes, some people might be lucky enough to have everything work out by just going with the flow but do you really want to take that chance?
A lot of us find it very very easy to let others take control, while we take the backseat in our lives. “My daddy/boyfriend/husband/friend will sort it out”. By giving control to others, we are implying that we can’t make any decisions for our lives hence people will definitely make the decisions for us. Daddy chooses what course to study in school, boyfriend determines we should be having sex now; husband makes all the decisions and we have no say, friends put peer pressure on us to do the opposite of what we believe in. The list goes on and on
Please stop waiting for someone else to make your life happen. There is an endless pool of possibilities for your pleasure and fulfilling your life within your reach. As a single person you are blessed to have resources to living the life you want without having to check with anyone else. This is one luxury many married people do not have.
Some simple steps to help you stop "going with the flow"-
1) Know your core values and what you stand for. It is better to know this upfront, before all sorts of temptations come your way. Need I say more?
2) Be in control of your money by planning your financials ahead of time. List out your monthly expenses and settle that before you start spending. Save. Make a plan to pay off your debts on credit cards or with the lady you bought jewlery from last week. That way you won’t be saddled with too much debt.
3) Another one on money. Seek for investment opportunities and invest. As a single woman you should have your own money that is working for you. Doing this, means when you get into a relationship or get married no man can see you as a financial liability.
4) Be committed to improving your self- emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. If you enjoy self-help books, read them; exercise, read your bible, pray, get close to God.
5) Broaden your horizon by reading educative books and trying out new activities. Step out of your comfort zone. Join a cooking class, a dance class or try something you have always wanted to do.
6) “Tush up”, simply meaning start/continue looking good. Declutter! Get rid of your old clothes and upgrade your wardrobe, your hairstyle, makeup etc. You don’t need to have a man in your life to look good. Neither do you need a man to give you money to buy new clothes/accessories. Set a standard already for Mr Man to come and follow.
7) Learn to manage your time & resourcees- remember the 80/20 rule. Check here for more details
8)Reach out to others. Be a blessing to others around you. Someone needs to hear a word of encouragement from you. It is not all about you. I usually feel happy with myself when I am a source of support to someone else.
The list is endless but I have listed a few that I tried to follow when I was single and this has helped me a lot over the years.
My sisters, please do not wait for your life to happen until a man comes into it. He should meet you busy. I can bet he will respect you even more. Stop going with the flow and take action today.
In what other ways can we stop going with the flow? Please feel free to share your thoughts. Thank you.
**Photo copyright Ian Beesley
