We're still here, just wanted you all to know that. We never left!
Wednesday, 19 August 2009
Still Here...
Aloted and Writefreak are still here...it's been almost 3 months since we updated, life got really busy...but we'll update soon.
We're still here, just wanted you all to know that. We never left!
We're still here, just wanted you all to know that. We never left!
Friday, 22 May 2009
Let's talk about SEX
So we all know what this means and i definitely don't need to give a definition. This is one topic that is mostly talked about and also mostly 'shyed' away from. In some churches, the mere mention of the word sex makes you a sinner. Sex is a spiritual act, a connection between two souls that should not be trivialised and should be celebrated.
Sex as originally designed by God is supposed to be an act between a man and a woman, not just any man and woman but a man and woman joined together in marriage. I'm aware that this is contrary to popular belief but sex as ordained by God i reiterate is an act designed to be between to married people, a man and a woman. It's sad to see how such a holy act has been 'bastardised'.
In Genesis, God gave Eve to Adam as a help meet for him, they were naked with each other and not ashamed. Eve had become Adam's wife after God fashioned her out of him and they were naked with each other! The bible says in Genesis 2: 23-25
'And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed'.
Please note it says here a man shall cleave to his wife, not his girl friend, not his friends with benefit, not his friend, not his sister, not his fiancee, his WIFE.
The temptation to have premarital sex is so great, it takes the grace of God to say NO and be able to stand by it. I'm aware some people can do it by mere determination but for us lesser humans, we need to rely solely on the grace of God. Our minds are bombarded every hour of the day by sexual innuendos, some even very direct. Everywhere you turn, it's the sex talk. It's definitely not easy to say no. The philosophy creeping around 'if it feels good then it's right' also doesn't help matters. Lord knows sex gives a very good feeling, on the basis of that philosophy, then sex in any form is right, right? Wrong! Remember, we're making the bible our base and i just established the bible says sex is between a man and his wife or if you prefer a woman and her husband...
Now that we established that sex is between a married couple,I'm sure you're wondering so what should i do with all these temptations! For the unmarried ladies, there are so many fine brothas out there, in fact they wouldn't even date you if they found out you were celibate and for the guys, Lord knows the babes are revealing more and more cleavage these days! What's a brother to do? Well, a sister is to keep her values and a brother's to marry or keep himself. It's tough I know and like i said we need GRACE. But trust me, I've been there.
What qualifies me to write this? I'm married and all and do i even know what single people go through? Well, I was in a relationship with the Mr over 6 years before we tied the knot and although celibacy was a mutual decision since we base our lives on the word, we had our temptations and challenges. I'm glad to say we waited though, so I know I qualify to say Ring on before you let him in or if you're a guy, you both have to have given her that ring before you can ask her for sex.
I'll give some reasons why i totally support abstinence and why i think it's a good idea for anyone to wait for marriage.
1. As a Christian, you have a clear conscience towards God. God has said not to do it, what better reason not to do it. You can approach God with peace in your heart. We all know what weight it feels like when you know you shouldn't do something and you keep doing it.
2. Respect. you get to respect yourself as an individual and also the other person. You know that the other person is not only looking to get under your clothes. The fact that they respect you helps them to keep their hands off.
3. No emotional baggage: Sex is a spiritual thing. It is a fusion of two souls, a transference of spirit takes place when you have sex. Whether you have it with one guy or more, why become one with someone you're not married to? How many people are you going to be one with?
4. Trust and discipline. When you eventually marry, you're able to trust that guy or that woman more. If he can't keep his hands off you before marriage, how do you know he can keep his hands off other ladies after he's married to you? If he showed some discipline with you before marriage, he'll most likely be disciplined enough to keep his hands off other girls that tempt him after marriage. Trust me, the temptation doesn't end in marriage.
5. A clear sense of judgement. When you have sex with someone especially when you enjoy it, you have the tendency to overlook their faults no matter how major. This way you can end up marrying someone you shouldn't or wouldn't have married under clear circumstances. Sex gives you a soul tie to someone.
6. You enter marriage with realistic expectations. When you haven't had other sexual partners, it's hard to compare your partner to anyone. You get to understand how to please each other and not think like oh no, B was better in this sense.
7. You get to know the 'real' each other. Most people have bad marriages because the time they should have spent discovering each other, their likes and dislikes, they spend in bed. Spend that time outdoors instead of behind closed doors.
8. When you abstain from premarital sex, you don't have to worry about pregnancy and even sexually transmitted diseases.
I could think of a lot of other reasons but I think this captures the essence of everything.
This post is only a foundation to the Sex talks series, in my next post, I'll be talking about how to abstain from sex and also if you have any questions, you can leave them in the comment box or send a mail to our mail address and they will be tackled in the next post. If you don't want us to mention names, we won't!
Have a blessed weekend! Remember abstinence is possible!
Recommended reading: http://www.premaritalsex.info/
Sex as originally designed by God is supposed to be an act between a man and a woman, not just any man and woman but a man and woman joined together in marriage. I'm aware that this is contrary to popular belief but sex as ordained by God i reiterate is an act designed to be between to married people, a man and a woman. It's sad to see how such a holy act has been 'bastardised'.
In Genesis, God gave Eve to Adam as a help meet for him, they were naked with each other and not ashamed. Eve had become Adam's wife after God fashioned her out of him and they were naked with each other! The bible says in Genesis 2: 23-25
'And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed'.
Please note it says here a man shall cleave to his wife, not his girl friend, not his friends with benefit, not his friend, not his sister, not his fiancee, his WIFE.
The temptation to have premarital sex is so great, it takes the grace of God to say NO and be able to stand by it. I'm aware some people can do it by mere determination but for us lesser humans, we need to rely solely on the grace of God. Our minds are bombarded every hour of the day by sexual innuendos, some even very direct. Everywhere you turn, it's the sex talk. It's definitely not easy to say no. The philosophy creeping around 'if it feels good then it's right' also doesn't help matters. Lord knows sex gives a very good feeling, on the basis of that philosophy, then sex in any form is right, right? Wrong! Remember, we're making the bible our base and i just established the bible says sex is between a man and his wife or if you prefer a woman and her husband...
Now that we established that sex is between a married couple,I'm sure you're wondering so what should i do with all these temptations! For the unmarried ladies, there are so many fine brothas out there, in fact they wouldn't even date you if they found out you were celibate and for the guys, Lord knows the babes are revealing more and more cleavage these days! What's a brother to do? Well, a sister is to keep her values and a brother's to marry or keep himself. It's tough I know and like i said we need GRACE. But trust me, I've been there.
What qualifies me to write this? I'm married and all and do i even know what single people go through? Well, I was in a relationship with the Mr over 6 years before we tied the knot and although celibacy was a mutual decision since we base our lives on the word, we had our temptations and challenges. I'm glad to say we waited though, so I know I qualify to say Ring on before you let him in or if you're a guy, you both have to have given her that ring before you can ask her for sex.
I'll give some reasons why i totally support abstinence and why i think it's a good idea for anyone to wait for marriage.
1. As a Christian, you have a clear conscience towards God. God has said not to do it, what better reason not to do it. You can approach God with peace in your heart. We all know what weight it feels like when you know you shouldn't do something and you keep doing it.
2. Respect. you get to respect yourself as an individual and also the other person. You know that the other person is not only looking to get under your clothes. The fact that they respect you helps them to keep their hands off.
3. No emotional baggage: Sex is a spiritual thing. It is a fusion of two souls, a transference of spirit takes place when you have sex. Whether you have it with one guy or more, why become one with someone you're not married to? How many people are you going to be one with?
4. Trust and discipline. When you eventually marry, you're able to trust that guy or that woman more. If he can't keep his hands off you before marriage, how do you know he can keep his hands off other ladies after he's married to you? If he showed some discipline with you before marriage, he'll most likely be disciplined enough to keep his hands off other girls that tempt him after marriage. Trust me, the temptation doesn't end in marriage.
5. A clear sense of judgement. When you have sex with someone especially when you enjoy it, you have the tendency to overlook their faults no matter how major. This way you can end up marrying someone you shouldn't or wouldn't have married under clear circumstances. Sex gives you a soul tie to someone.
6. You enter marriage with realistic expectations. When you haven't had other sexual partners, it's hard to compare your partner to anyone. You get to understand how to please each other and not think like oh no, B was better in this sense.
7. You get to know the 'real' each other. Most people have bad marriages because the time they should have spent discovering each other, their likes and dislikes, they spend in bed. Spend that time outdoors instead of behind closed doors.
8. When you abstain from premarital sex, you don't have to worry about pregnancy and even sexually transmitted diseases.
I could think of a lot of other reasons but I think this captures the essence of everything.
This post is only a foundation to the Sex talks series, in my next post, I'll be talking about how to abstain from sex and also if you have any questions, you can leave them in the comment box or send a mail to our mail address and they will be tackled in the next post. If you don't want us to mention names, we won't!
Have a blessed weekend! Remember abstinence is possible!
Recommended reading: http://www.premaritalsex.info/
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
While Waiting for Mr Right
You are single, anxiously (or not) waiting for Mr. Right to come sweep you off your feet. While you are waiting, what are you doing to get prepared? It is ironic how in life we prepare for almost everything except marriage. Before taking an exam you study hard; before doing your driving test, you have hours of practice on the road. Parents to be have nine months to prepare before their bundle of joy arrives. Before singing or acting on stage you practice for days. Yet we expect that in the matter of love and marriage everything will just fall in place somehow.
Granted no one is perfect and marriage is about two imperfect people working together with a Perfect God as their foundation. Nevertheless, while waiting are you doing anything to become a better person? Esther in the bible, who won the favor of the king and became queen of Persia, had to undergo twelve months of preparation before she was presented to King Xerxes.
Here are some key questions you should consider while waiting.
Know who you are. What are your strengths and weaknesses? By knowing yourself in and out, good and bad, you can easily discern a man that can compliment (note not complete) you and vice versa. You can tell what you need in a mate and what you can live without. If you are a talkative or the life of a party, you don’t need someone who will compete with you. You need someone who can caution you and let you know when you are going to far. If you are quick tempered, you need someone who is levelheaded. If you are good with planning, you can complement someone who sees the big picture only.
Another aspect of knowing yourself involves some deep soul searching. You might need a trusted friend to help you determine your best and worst qualities. Are you pushy/bossy? Are you selfish? Do you derive pleasure from helping others? Are you giving? The list goes on and on. Hone your best qualities and try to improve on the not so good ones. Pray to God for guidance.
What is your financial status. Are you a spendthrift? Or do you have savings and investment. Are you in any form of debt? If so make a plan to clear your debt today. You should not be a liability but should be an asset to your man.
Stop keeping things off like investing, buying shares, a car or a house till you meet Mr Right. I know in Nigeria and many African countries it is frowned upon but your Mr Right will not be intimidated by who you are or what you have. It might actually help you separate the wheat from the weed. Make a choice to live your life to the fullest.
Can you make informed decisions and stick by them? Do u depend on others- parents, friends, family etc to make important decisions that concern your life. If so you need to get to a point where you can make your own decisions and accept the consequences no matter what. Marriage is between one man and one woman and they need to be able to make their decisions without involving external parties.
Do you have any emotional baggage you are still carrying around? If you are still hung up on your past relationships it is very likely that you will carry the hurt or issues into your new relationship and your judgement will be clouded. To have a fulfilled future, you need to let go of any past hurts or betrayal. Forgive and let the love of God fill your heart. Be lovable.
How is your spiritual and prayer life? Is your relationship with God growing? He should be number 1 in your life. You should enjoy being in his presence. Learn how to hear him speak to you so that you can discern when you meet Mr Right.
There will be many times in your marriage that you will need to intercede on behalf of your husband and children. Learn how to communicate with God now before the days of adversity and trials come along.
Are you keeping yourself pure for your Mr Right? Are you conducting your relationship with potential guys you meet in a respectful way that will glory God? Remember your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit
Above all remember that God makes all things beautiful in his time. Just because Mr Right has not found you yet does not mean God is not working behind the scenes. He is probably getting Mr Right ready just for you! Keep trusting.
On a personal note, I always wanted to get married at the age of 24. I just felt that was an ideal age to get married but God’s plan for me was to get married much much much later than I expected. In retrospect, I am thankful my "grand" plan did not work out. Why? Because at 24, I was immature & selfish to enter into marriage. My life was just not ready to handle marriage. I needed to sort out my emotional baggage, anger issues etc before meeting Mr Right. I am glad I aligned myself to God’s timing, while getting myself ready for my man.Next time, we shall be looking at some ways to recognise Mr Right and not settle for less.
This list is not exhaustive; please feel free to share other key points with us.
Thank you.
Recommended Reading:
Blog by Rita- Preparing for your King
A love worth waiting for- http://www.christianitytoday.com/tcw/1999/sepoct/9w5098.html?start=1
Granted no one is perfect and marriage is about two imperfect people working together with a Perfect God as their foundation. Nevertheless, while waiting are you doing anything to become a better person? Esther in the bible, who won the favor of the king and became queen of Persia, had to undergo twelve months of preparation before she was presented to King Xerxes.
Here are some key questions you should consider while waiting.
Know who you are. What are your strengths and weaknesses? By knowing yourself in and out, good and bad, you can easily discern a man that can compliment (note not complete) you and vice versa. You can tell what you need in a mate and what you can live without. If you are a talkative or the life of a party, you don’t need someone who will compete with you. You need someone who can caution you and let you know when you are going to far. If you are quick tempered, you need someone who is levelheaded. If you are good with planning, you can complement someone who sees the big picture only.
Another aspect of knowing yourself involves some deep soul searching. You might need a trusted friend to help you determine your best and worst qualities. Are you pushy/bossy? Are you selfish? Do you derive pleasure from helping others? Are you giving? The list goes on and on. Hone your best qualities and try to improve on the not so good ones. Pray to God for guidance.
What is your financial status. Are you a spendthrift? Or do you have savings and investment. Are you in any form of debt? If so make a plan to clear your debt today. You should not be a liability but should be an asset to your man.
Stop keeping things off like investing, buying shares, a car or a house till you meet Mr Right. I know in Nigeria and many African countries it is frowned upon but your Mr Right will not be intimidated by who you are or what you have. It might actually help you separate the wheat from the weed. Make a choice to live your life to the fullest.
Can you make informed decisions and stick by them? Do u depend on others- parents, friends, family etc to make important decisions that concern your life. If so you need to get to a point where you can make your own decisions and accept the consequences no matter what. Marriage is between one man and one woman and they need to be able to make their decisions without involving external parties.
Do you have any emotional baggage you are still carrying around? If you are still hung up on your past relationships it is very likely that you will carry the hurt or issues into your new relationship and your judgement will be clouded. To have a fulfilled future, you need to let go of any past hurts or betrayal. Forgive and let the love of God fill your heart. Be lovable.
How is your spiritual and prayer life? Is your relationship with God growing? He should be number 1 in your life. You should enjoy being in his presence. Learn how to hear him speak to you so that you can discern when you meet Mr Right.
There will be many times in your marriage that you will need to intercede on behalf of your husband and children. Learn how to communicate with God now before the days of adversity and trials come along.
Are you keeping yourself pure for your Mr Right? Are you conducting your relationship with potential guys you meet in a respectful way that will glory God? Remember your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit
Above all remember that God makes all things beautiful in his time. Just because Mr Right has not found you yet does not mean God is not working behind the scenes. He is probably getting Mr Right ready just for you! Keep trusting.
On a personal note, I always wanted to get married at the age of 24. I just felt that was an ideal age to get married but God’s plan for me was to get married much much much later than I expected. In retrospect, I am thankful my "grand" plan did not work out. Why? Because at 24, I was immature & selfish to enter into marriage. My life was just not ready to handle marriage. I needed to sort out my emotional baggage, anger issues etc before meeting Mr Right. I am glad I aligned myself to God’s timing, while getting myself ready for my man.Next time, we shall be looking at some ways to recognise Mr Right and not settle for less.
This list is not exhaustive; please feel free to share other key points with us.
Thank you.
Recommended Reading:
Blog by Rita- Preparing for your King
A love worth waiting for- http://www.christianitytoday.com/tcw/1999/sepoct/9w5098.html?start=1
Wednesday, 18 March 2009
Becoming One Flesh- When?
Hello good people, I hope you are doing well?
Writefreak and I have a few poignant topics, based on the need we see on blogville that we will like to write about but some research is required. While we do our research, please enjoy this article I wrote a while back on my other blog. A few changes have been made.
When the bible says that “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” I believe becoming “one flesh” in all areas should ONLY happen in marriage. Many single people especially ladies in relationships are jumping the gun and already becoming one flesh with their partners. Am not talking about sex, that is a diferent topic for another day (yes we shall be talking about this very soon). I am actually talking about ladies becoming one flesh emotionally with their partners. Ladies who do not have lives of their own any more but are glued to their boyfriends or fiancés. I am saddened when I see ladies behave so carelessly.
We have been called to live a purposeful life and this definitely involves more than the men in our lives.
Selah
Writefreak and I have a few poignant topics, based on the need we see on blogville that we will like to write about but some research is required. While we do our research, please enjoy this article I wrote a while back on my other blog. A few changes have been made.
Just My Humble Opinion! Feel free to agree or disagree :)
When the bible says that “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” I believe becoming “one flesh” in all areas should ONLY happen in marriage. Many single people especially ladies in relationships are jumping the gun and already becoming one flesh with their partners. Am not talking about sex, that is a diferent topic for another day (yes we shall be talking about this very soon). I am actually talking about ladies becoming one flesh emotionally with their partners. Ladies who do not have lives of their own any more but are glued to their boyfriends or fiancés. I am saddened when I see ladies behave so carelessly.
Some ladies in the name of love abandon their girlfriends when they start a new relationship revolving their world around their men. The guy gets tired of the relationship, dumps girl and the girl is left stranded with no friends for support. Being in love is good, sweet, heavenly etc but we should not let our love become something else in the process. A good friend of mine said to me once: “In marriage 1+1 = 1 but in a relationship 1 + 1 = 3". I asked him to elaborate on this. He explained that when you are married you become one with your partner because you practically start a new life together, ideally start having sex (spiritual oneness..some deep stuff we can't go into now) but when you are single and in a relationship; the girl has "her life" (1), the guy has "his life" (2) and they “their life” (3). Meaning that both the girl and guy should have both individual and common interests. I totally agree with this analysis. This way there is a balance in the relationship. When there is no balance, one person will always feel choked in the relationship and this can be disastrous.
Some examples of "clingy" behavior:
- When most of the girls at your birthday gig are girlfriend's to your man's guy friends and not neccesarily your own friends.
- When a girl can’t go anywhere alone– parties, outing with other friends etc except Mr. boyfriend comes along. If boyfy can't come, she will find an excuse to back out of the outing
- When everything a girl talks about is remotely or directly linked to her boyfriend. She must always mention boyfriend's name in every sentence. Personally I don’t have an issue with girls talking about their men but am sure we can have a decent conversation without his name been mentioned in every sentence!
- Mr Boyfy has to endorse everything she does, wears, spends etc.
I can go on and on about examples but that is not the point. The point is ladies need to reach a point in their lives where they don’t have to rely on mr. boyfriend for everything. Ladies that are overly dependent on their men are setting themselves up for a BIG fall either now or in the future. The irony of the matter is that guys in relationship still hang out with their friends, so why can’t we ladies take a cue from guys…why do you feel that until you forsake every thing for a guy he won’t/can’t love you. That is a lie from the pit of hell. I implore you singles, in relationships, about to marry etc please note that a mature guy respects an independent woman and not one that clings. Get a life, get a hobby, get passionate about something outside of the man in your life. You need it! Even in marriage, becoming one flesh with your husband doesn’t mean not having a life of your own.
We have been called to live a purposeful life and this definitely involves more than the men in our lives.
Friday, 6 March 2009
Recipe for Love
I was inspired by a friend sometime last year to write this post. I have added and subtracted a few things here and there. Some of you might have read it on my other blog or not but I thought it might be a good read here, so here goes:
I asked if my friend had a girlfriend and he said yes. I asked because he was making me laugh a lot, very funny guy, anyway I told him I’m sure his girlfriend has a great time with him because he'll be making her laugh a lot. And then he said it is possible he makes other people laugh and no matter how much clowning he does, if his girlfriend is not happy with him, she is not. Sadly, this is true for a lot of people, they can converse freely with other people, laugh with them but their relationships with their partners are going awry or lacking spice. How many times have relationships ended because of these reasons: "we have fallen out of love", "he doesn’t appreciate me", "she doesn’t respect me" etc. You can add some of your ownpersonal phrases if you like.
I think I might know some ingredients for a loving and lasting relationship. I haven't been at this long enough i know, i only got married 2 years and 3 months ago (can you imagine, I originally wrote this when we had been married six months) but i was in a relationship that lasted 6 years and ended in marriage to my wonderful husband. There are principles which do not change over time and i'd like to share them.
Here are some tips i think are important for a wonderful and loving relationship:
* Laugh together - Laugh at yourselves, there are things that happen everyday that we can choose to laugh about. Joke about your mistakes, don't be touchy...Just look enough you will see reasons to laugh.
* Avoid criticism- You really don't have to mention everything that goes wrong, criticism kills a relationship. Find loving ways to communicate correction (note I said correction not criticism). Human beings generally do not like being corrected, the only way it's palatable is when we're sure the other person is looking out for our interest and is not proving superior.
*Pray together- An old saying goes "a family that prays together stays together", i guess that says it all.
*Give gifts- "You can give without loving, you cannot love without giving". Your gifts don't need to be expensive; the thought does it for most people especially if you're like me. The past few days, hubby has been coming home from work with things he knows I’ll like, they’re not big things but they go a long way in saying ‘I was thinking about you’.
*Spice it up- Don't be dry, find interesting things to do with each other and share some interests. Your own interest might be watching movies together, do it as often as you can, it might be swimming, just think of anything you can do together for fun. Don’t get too old for fun!
*Respect- Respect, i beg to differ is not domination!! Respect according to the dictionary in simple terms is the condition of being esteemed or honored. The other person wants to feel like you value them. Show some respect. If you're married, don't invite guests over without notifying your spouse, it shows a sign of disrespect. The first time some people hear of something going on with their partner is when their friends say it to their hearing. Show some respect for each other! Always ask yourself before doing something, will it honour or show esteem for my partner? And women, massage the guy's ego. Every man likes to feel he's in charge, i know it's hard in these days of "girl power" but hey, what's most important to you: emancipation or a loving lasting relationship?
*Be open- Don't keep secrets. Try to be each other's best friends. It might be hard initially but it will get easier as you practise this and go a long way in making a wonderful relationship.
*Be committed- Falling in love is a wonderful feeling, a euphoric feeling which you want to have forever. You catch the guy's eyes on the other side of the room and current passes all over your body...girl believe me, this only lasts so much time! The reason most people claim to have fallen out of love is they they think love is that gooey feeling. I'm not saying the feeling will not be there but sometimes you won't have it...Love is most importantly a commitment!
These are a few tips, i could go on and on but they will all revolve around these few theories i guess. Most importantly, the bible teaches us a lot about love and if you're interested you can model 1Cor 13 :4-7 in your relationship, you will never have to fall out of love if you follow the principles stated there. This portion of scriptures says:
Love is patient, love is kind.It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Just ponder on those verses, do you think that with them you could ever go wrong in love? I sincerely doubt.
Falling in love is a wonderful thing, being in love is great and staying in love is awesome! It's like old wine, it gets better with the years.
I'm grateful i found love and i thank God for giving me a husband who teaches me to love daily. To those of you who are still looking for love, i pray you find it and if you have found it, i pray for the grace to hold on to it and be able to stay in it.
I asked if my friend had a girlfriend and he said yes. I asked because he was making me laugh a lot, very funny guy, anyway I told him I’m sure his girlfriend has a great time with him because he'll be making her laugh a lot. And then he said it is possible he makes other people laugh and no matter how much clowning he does, if his girlfriend is not happy with him, she is not. Sadly, this is true for a lot of people, they can converse freely with other people, laugh with them but their relationships with their partners are going awry or lacking spice. How many times have relationships ended because of these reasons: "we have fallen out of love", "he doesn’t appreciate me", "she doesn’t respect me" etc. You can add some of your own
I think I might know some ingredients for a loving and lasting relationship. I haven't been at this long enough i know, i only got married 2 years and 3 months ago (can you imagine, I originally wrote this when we had been married six months) but i was in a relationship that lasted 6 years and ended in marriage to my wonderful husband. There are principles which do not change over time and i'd like to share them.
Here are some tips i think are important for a wonderful and loving relationship:
* Laugh together - Laugh at yourselves, there are things that happen everyday that we can choose to laugh about. Joke about your mistakes, don't be touchy...Just look enough you will see reasons to laugh.
* Avoid criticism- You really don't have to mention everything that goes wrong, criticism kills a relationship. Find loving ways to communicate correction (note I said correction not criticism). Human beings generally do not like being corrected, the only way it's palatable is when we're sure the other person is looking out for our interest and is not proving superior.
*Pray together- An old saying goes "a family that prays together stays together", i guess that says it all.
*Give gifts- "You can give without loving, you cannot love without giving". Your gifts don't need to be expensive; the thought does it for most people especially if you're like me. The past few days, hubby has been coming home from work with things he knows I’ll like, they’re not big things but they go a long way in saying ‘I was thinking about you’.
*Spice it up- Don't be dry, find interesting things to do with each other and share some interests. Your own interest might be watching movies together, do it as often as you can, it might be swimming, just think of anything you can do together for fun. Don’t get too old for fun!
*Respect- Respect, i beg to differ is not domination!! Respect according to the dictionary in simple terms is the condition of being esteemed or honored. The other person wants to feel like you value them. Show some respect. If you're married, don't invite guests over without notifying your spouse, it shows a sign of disrespect. The first time some people hear of something going on with their partner is when their friends say it to their hearing. Show some respect for each other! Always ask yourself before doing something, will it honour or show esteem for my partner? And women, massage the guy's ego. Every man likes to feel he's in charge, i know it's hard in these days of "girl power" but hey, what's most important to you: emancipation or a loving lasting relationship?
*Be open- Don't keep secrets. Try to be each other's best friends. It might be hard initially but it will get easier as you practise this and go a long way in making a wonderful relationship.
*Be committed- Falling in love is a wonderful feeling, a euphoric feeling which you want to have forever. You catch the guy's eyes on the other side of the room and current passes all over your body...girl believe me, this only lasts so much time! The reason most people claim to have fallen out of love is they they think love is that gooey feeling. I'm not saying the feeling will not be there but sometimes you won't have it...Love is most importantly a commitment!
These are a few tips, i could go on and on but they will all revolve around these few theories i guess. Most importantly, the bible teaches us a lot about love and if you're interested you can model 1Cor 13 :4-7 in your relationship, you will never have to fall out of love if you follow the principles stated there. This portion of scriptures says:
Love is patient, love is kind.It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Just ponder on those verses, do you think that with them you could ever go wrong in love? I sincerely doubt.
Falling in love is a wonderful thing, being in love is great and staying in love is awesome! It's like old wine, it gets better with the years.
I'm grateful i found love and i thank God for giving me a husband who teaches me to love daily. To those of you who are still looking for love, i pray you find it and if you have found it, i pray for the grace to hold on to it and be able to stay in it.
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