Single and Happy Part 2.

Hello People!

We hope you have been keeping well? We apologise (yet again) for the infrequent blog posts.

Here's a continuation from last time's post on being single and happy. We have the pleasure of having Rita of eroinspirations share her experience with us.

Let us know your thoughts. Stay blessed

The Soulsistas

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When I was single, I could not understand how someone could be single and happy. I felt that once I had a partner, even if it was just a boyfriend, I would be happy and complete. It was not easy hearing about every other person's boyfriend, engagement and ultimately marriage. It was not easy knowing my closest friend was having her 2^nd child while I was still struggling to find Mr. Right. I know it is not easy to be single and happy.

Single and Loving it!!!...What's the big deal...?

So apologies for the loooooooooooooooooooooooooooong break in transmission. Can you forgive us?

We have gone to the drawing board and we intend to come out with more exciting, thought provocative articles!

Today we have a guest blogger in the house. We hope you enjoy the post as much as we do. We would love to know your thoughts in the comments section after reading. Thanks!

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Okay, what’s the big deal? Do I need to have a man before I have true happiness?

Sometime last year, I listened to a radio talk show discussing whether being single and happy is a myth. I was on my way out when the show came on air, but I called in and I aired my view which is …………..

If I need a man to make me happy, then I am of all men most miserable! Yes, I totally agree that having a man is good and very wonderful but I tell you what, if there’s none in the horizon at the moment, does that mean doom and gloom for me..exactly I didn’t think so myself!. Now, don’t get me twisted, marriage is a beautiful thing (borrowing some of the words of our very own D’banj).

When I got back late at night to listen to the conclusion of the show online, I was a bit surprised to hear that some other contributors to the show had said, “saying I am single and happy is a big lie and if I really feel that way, it means I am hiding something deeper…”.

Well I am open to constructive criticism, so when I heard this I immediately did a quick soul search to check if I’m actually hiding behind a wall. The outcome is…I still say that I can be single and happy!

I don’t have it all together and I’m not saying I don’t have my down days but I made a decision ages ago not to let my happiness be dependent on anybody, no not even my mum! Otherwise I’ll be crying all day!!!

So I ask again kinni big deal?

Don’t allow yourself to be labeled because you’re single, it is not a disease…it is a time to get to know you. I hear someone say: “what if I have gotten to know all of me and there’s still no man in the horizon”…hmmm now I know this can be annoying and very frustrating, especially for those of us that have chosen to WAIT!!!

I honestly don’t have a “panadol” kind of response (what I mean is I do not have a quick formula to get you out of singledom!) But I suggest you keep doing what makes you happy and don’t stop trusting your maker…

I love me right now, and I can boldly say it…

Writer – No Limit

Recognising Red flags in a relationship

The soulsistas are back!!! Apologies for the radio silence but I think we are back :)

A while back we looked at what to do while waiting for Mr Right. I mentioned on that post that we will cover some ways to recognise Mr Right and not settle for less. however, I have modified today's post slightly to show how to recognise "Mr Wrong" by identifying some red flags to look out for in a relationship.



Many women who are married today and have marital issues most likely saw some red flags before they got married. They either chose to ignore the signs, think they could change the man or believed “love” will conquer all. The period of Dating/courtship is a prelude to what will happen in marriage so expecting that a man will change for the better after marriage is like expecting a leopard to change its spots because it moved to a new zoo.

I know some people pretend to be what they are not during dating/courtship however I believe as a child of God, he will show you signs to look out for. Besides, people- Christians or not reveal their true character when under pressure.

Dating is not the time to be kissing, smooching and sexing but the time to shine your eyes and watch out for any red flags that might later on impact your marriage. When you are busy having sex, it is harder to identify the signs.

Red flags are indication that something is wrong in your relationship and either needs addressing or an evaluation of whether the relationship should continue or not. Of course no one is perfect but it is your prerogative to decide if you can commit to your partner with their flaws. Remember marriage is a commitment. If you cannot tolerate a behaviour before marriage don’t delude yourself and expect it to change after marriage. It would most likely only get worse because at this point all the chasing and wooing has been done, the contract signed hence both parties are free to be their real selves.

Red flags include lying, distrust, laziness, inability to hold a job, and irresponsibility. Others include complaining, fault-finding, whining, clinging to parents, inability to make critical decisions, and lack of self-esteem. Some of these red flags can be addressed and worked through depending on the people involved and tolerance level. However some red flags that should not be disregarded or ignored include violence, uncontrolled anger & rage, physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, drinking and drug abuse, gambling, or infidelities. My candid advice is if you see any of these signs RUN. All these signs have to do with the person’s character (also the earlier stated ones) which is usually hard to change. It is possible with the help of the HolySpirit but challenging. You do not have to wait till you are the object of abuse before you know there is a problem. Observe how he treats his mum, sisters and other friends. Soon he will be treating you the same way.

The earlier you recognise the red flags, the earlier you can assess how serious they are and determine the next step to take about the relationship. Always remember that a broken relationship/engagement is far better than a broken marriage. It is wiser to call off the relationship when you can then enter marriage and regret it for the rest of your life. Marriage as a Christian is for life so shine your eyes and do your due diligence before you sign the dotted lines.








Image Source: Wikipedia Commons

Still Here...

Aloted and Writefreak are still here...it's been almost 3 months since we updated, life got really busy...but we'll update soon.

We're still here, just wanted you all to know that. We never left!

Let's talk about SEX

So we all know what this means and i definitely don't need to give a definition. This is one topic that is mostly talked about and also mostly 'shyed' away from. In some churches, the mere mention of the word sex makes you a sinner. Sex is a spiritual act, a connection between two souls that should not be trivialised and should be celebrated.

Sex as originally designed by God is supposed to be an act between a man and a woman, not just any man and woman but a man and woman joined together in marriage. I'm aware that this is contrary to popular belief but sex as ordained by God i reiterate is an act designed to be between to married people, a man and a woman. It's sad to see how such a holy act has been 'bastardised'.

In Genesis, God gave Eve to Adam as a help meet for him, they were naked with each other and not ashamed. Eve had become Adam's wife after God fashioned her out of him and they were naked with each other! The bible says in Genesis 2: 23-25

'And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed'.
Please note it says here a man shall cleave to his wife, not his girl friend, not his friends with benefit, not his friend, not his sister, not his fiancee, his WIFE.

The temptation to have premarital sex is so great, it takes the grace of God to say NO and be able to stand by it. I'm aware some people can do it by mere determination but for us lesser humans, we need to rely solely on the grace of God. Our minds are bombarded every hour of the day by sexual innuendos, some even very direct. Everywhere you turn, it's the sex talk. It's definitely not easy to say no. The philosophy creeping around 'if it feels good then it's right' also doesn't help matters. Lord knows sex gives a very good feeling, on the basis of that philosophy, then sex in any form is right, right? Wrong! Remember, we're making the bible our base and i just established the bible says sex is between a man and his wife or if you prefer a woman and her husband...

Now that we established that sex is between a married couple,I'm sure you're wondering so what should i do with all these temptations! For the unmarried ladies, there are so many fine brothas out there, in fact they wouldn't even date you if they found out you were celibate and for the guys, Lord knows the babes are revealing more and more cleavage these days! What's a brother to do? Well, a sister is to keep her values and a brother's to marry or keep himself. It's tough I know and like i said we need GRACE. But trust me, I've been there.

What qualifies me to write this? I'm married and all and do i even know what single people go through? Well, I was in a relationship with the Mr over 6 years before we tied the knot and although celibacy was a mutual decision since we base our lives on the word, we had our temptations and challenges. I'm glad to say we waited though, so I know I qualify to say Ring on before you let him in or if you're a guy, you both have to have given her that ring before you can ask her for sex.

I'll give some reasons why i totally support abstinence and why i think it's a good idea for anyone to wait for marriage.
1. As a Christian, you have a clear conscience towards God. God has said not to do it, what better reason not to do it. You can approach God with peace in your heart. We all know what weight it feels like when you know you shouldn't do something and you keep doing it.

2. Respect. you get to respect yourself as an individual and also the other person. You know that the other person is not only looking to get under your clothes. The fact that they respect you helps them to keep their hands off.

3. No emotional baggage: Sex is a spiritual thing. It is a fusion of two souls, a transference of spirit takes place when you have sex. Whether you have it with one guy or more, why become one with someone you're not married to? How many people are you going to be one with?

4. Trust and discipline. When you eventually marry, you're able to trust that guy or that woman more. If he can't keep his hands off you before marriage, how do you know he can keep his hands off other ladies after he's married to you? If he showed some discipline with you before marriage, he'll most likely be disciplined enough to keep his hands off other girls that tempt him after marriage. Trust me, the temptation doesn't end in marriage.

5. A clear sense of judgement. When you have sex with someone especially when you enjoy it, you have the tendency to overlook their faults no matter how major. This way you can end up marrying someone you shouldn't or wouldn't have married under clear circumstances. Sex gives you a soul tie to someone.

6. You enter marriage with realistic expectations. When you haven't had other sexual partners, it's hard to compare your partner to anyone. You get to understand how to please each other and not think like oh no, B was better in this sense.

7. You get to know the 'real' each other. Most people have bad marriages because the time they should have spent discovering each other, their likes and dislikes, they spend in bed. Spend that time outdoors instead of behind closed doors.

8. When you abstain from premarital sex, you don't have to worry about pregnancy and even sexually transmitted diseases.

I could think of a lot of other reasons but I think this captures the essence of everything.
This post is only a foundation to the Sex talks series, in my next post, I'll be talking about how to abstain from sex and also if you have any questions, you can leave them in the comment box or send a mail to our mail address and they will be tackled in the next post. If you don't want us to mention names, we won't!

Have a blessed weekend! Remember abstinence is possible!

Recommended reading: http://www.premaritalsex.info/