Dealing with a heartbreak

Every one or at least most people want to be loved. We dream of meeting the one and spending our lives with them forever. We meet someone who "fits the bill", we give our all, we get vulnerable with them, we open up our hearts, we share our lives, money, (maybe) bed, and hopes with them. Everything seems great till the big bubble bursts. They leave us high and dry; Your expectation is cut short. We become heart broken. Sounds familiar? Sometimes you might even be the one that called it off but your heart still gets broken all the same.

Some heartbreak journeys are easier to manage than others, while some take a long time to recover from. Whatever the case we need to deal with it  appropriately so we can move on to a better future.

Sometimes the person tells you why they are leaving, sometimes they don’t. You feel confused, left with all sorts of unanswered questions. Sadly, you might never get the answers you need but one thing any child of God must be assured of is that “everything is working out for your good”- Romans 8:28. One phrase you should learn as a single is "a broken relationship is far better than a broken marriage". Who knows maybe God was protecting you from a bad marriage.

 

Pretending it isn't there doesn't help, bottling it up doesn't help either. You need to acknowledge in your heart that you are hurting. Cry if you have to BUT take it to God in prayer. He ALONE can heal your broken heart.


Forgive the person, not for them but for you. You have to consciously remind yourself that you are letting go. Yes the other person hurt you bad but guess what- YOU ARE responsible for your feelings and your response to the situation. So you have to deal with it not them.


Ephesians 4:31-32 says "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you”. Easier said than done, yes but by forgiving him/her you are on the right track to dealing with your heartbreak. By slandering the person you are only making matters worse. Don’t forget, our words are very powerful. By holding on to your heartbreak you are giving the situation power over your life and you would be the one to suffer from it not the person who left.


Remind yourself- "the plans God has for you is for good and not of evil."- Jeremiah 29:11. Though this door has been closed, God has a better person out there for you.


Confide in someone you trust about what you are going through, preferably the person of the same sex, to avoid any transfer of emotions. Ask them to pray with and for you. Get support, you’ll need it!

Most importantly, take a break from relationships; this is not the time to go on the rebound. A relationship with another guy/girl CANNOT fill that void, only God can. Give yourself lots and lots of time to recover from your heartbreak. You need to heal completely before you venture into any other relationship.


I learnt this truth during my single days. After my first real relationship where I experienced heart break, I did get over it with time but at the time I ignore my pain and all my other relationships suffered as a result of it. Even when I met my husband, after we dated for about three months I ran away. However when I realised this was the man for me, in the midst of other things that I had to sort out, I had to let go COMPLETELY of my heartbreak from years back so that I could move forward without been haunted by my past. I did not want this precious relationship to suffer for what had happened in the past. I thank God for delivering me from all hurts and paranoia. Today I am in a happy and fulfilled marriage.


Playing “tic tack toe” with your ex or trying to remain friends during your healing process is not the way to go. Calling each other, or still being emotionally involved with them, will only aggravate the situation. It is like putting a plaster over a cut, and u keep going back to open it to examine if it is healing. It will take longer for the cut to heal. Leave this person alone. If they are the ones coming back, maybe because they feel guilty, tell them to leave you well alone! You need your space to heal without them interfering.


Lastly I want to end with these scripture in the bible Songs of Solomon 2:7, 3:5 and 8:4 all say "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." The fact that it was repeated three times means this is some serious stuff to pay attention to. This is a charge that all singles MUST adhere to. By arousing love too early or at the wrong time we open ourselves up to unnecessary heart breaks, by sleeping with our boy/girlfriend before marriage the heartbreak could even be harder to deal with if/when the relationship crumbles. If something looks like love, give it time to test its sincerity . Take things slow and let things progress naturally. Heartbreaks can be avoided if we guard our hearts.


Please note that this post is not intended to disparage the pain associated with heartbreak or make it sound like it is breeze to deal with. Dealing with your hearbreak is not an easy thing to do, I have been there so I know but by God's grace it can be done with time especially if you want to be fulfilled in your future relationships/marriage. You might say “But Aloted, you don’t know what I have been through”. No I don’t but God does and he can heal you if you let him.


I certainly don't have all the answers and I have only touched on a few points from my experience. I would love to hear from you on practical ways to deal with a heart break in the comment section. Your comment might just be what someone out there needs to make a turn around in their lives.


If you have any questions you can also leave us a comment or email us on thesoulsistas@googlemail.com




God bless!







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