"There is no more lovely, friendly or charming relationship, communion or company, than a good marriage." ~Martin Luther

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

"Premarital Sex is wrong" ~ Okeoghene

We are back with another episode of the love chronicles series. Today our guest blogger is Okeoghene. I enjoy reading this lady's blog as I can so relate to it. She seems like a genuine person and I was totally thrilled when she agreed to feature in the love chronicles series. 

I loved the candor of Okeoghene's answers and that God plays an important role in her marriage.  I found it cute that her hubby chipped in on one of the answers :). 

I am particularly grateful that despite being ill, Okeoghene fulfilled her promise to be a part of the series (Get well soon dear!!!).  I hope y'all enjoy this interview as much as I did.

  1. Please tell us about yourself?  
My name is Okeoghene. I am a Nigerian, Catholic-Christian, sit-at-home mom /student. Onos' wife and Oke & Brume's mummy. I am an easy going lady who is trying to live my ordinary life extraordinarily well, fit of the daughter of the King.

  1. How did you meet your spouse and how long were you together before you got married?
My husband and I worked with the same bank. I first met my husband when he was sent to my branch from the headoffice on a special assignment. He was with us for a couple of days but I didn't really talk to him then. You know the beef between headoffice staff and branch staff- with branch staff thinking they work more while headoffice peeps get to play the big boys and girls. Though I acknowledged he was cute, we had little or no contact. I was a fast track cashier at the counter then and was seriously looking for a move to a different unit. When  a position opened on the Customer Service desk, I was more than happy to be moved there. In preparation, I was going to understudy the head of unit *no one sent me o and I told her I was just helping since she had so much work to do and she was the only one there*. Next, I talked the Head of Operations at the branch that I would like to move. She was reluctant to move me and was trying to buy me over with flattery that I was her best hand in my unit. I hinted to the branch manager that I would like to change my unit. He said he would think about it. I thought that meant it was a done deal. Only for me to hear that the head of Customer Service said she would prefer to work with a guy than a lady. I prayed about it that God should change her mind but most importantly that His will be done.Then a few days later, they sent a guy from headoffice and it was "him". I was sad that I didn't get to move. I didn't even see God's own big picture, my human eye was just seeing the eye candy we got in the branch. We became friends. I never thought I could date him though, cos we worked in the place. We courted for 3 years before we finally got married.

  1. How did your hubby propose?
The  bank we worked with acquired another bank and he was sent out of town to go manage a branch. The night he was supposed to leave, he came over to my house and after talking for a while, he said he was going away and he would like me to know that he would want us to take a life journey together. He found a good thing and wants to be a part of my life and would like me to a part of his life. He asked me to marry him but said it didn't matter if I had to think about it. He just wanted me to know how he felt and how far he was ready to go.
  1. You mentioned on your blog that you eloped to do a quiet wedding before doing the "big" white wedding? Did your parents/family ever find out, how did they feel about that?
Eventually our families found out before the 'big' wedding and my mom wasn't happy. She felt betrayed that I didn't tell her and I came back to her house like nothing happened. I apologised.She got over it after a while. She later enthused that it was the reason why I wasn't as excited with the wedding plans cos in my mind I was already married.

  1. What are some of the biggest adjustments you made transitioning from single to married life?
Big adjustments? Hmmm. At the beginning, it was difficult for me to be accountable to another person. Then coming back from work to cook required some getting used to. As our family grew definitely juggling life as a wife and mom took some work.
  1. How has your marriage changed over the years?
I think we have both grown over the years. When we just got married, we were this carefree couple. We had night-outs and if we had a terrible week at work, we just upped into the car and checked into a hotel till Sunday. As our family grew, our priorities also changed. We had little people who were dependent on us, so we needed to be stable. I needed a husband who was supportive, caring, who put his family first  and also interested in changing a diaper or 2.  He also needed a supportive wife. We were able to get to that point where we can say we clicked together as a team.

  1. What does "submission" mean to you?
source: google images
Submission to me is loving and respecting my husband despite his faults. Believing he can lead our team right and allowing him play his role as a leader with God leading us and being our beacon. Submission is also knowing what I want but making sure my husband agrees before I do it. Submission is knowing the battles to pick and going to God in prayer as always to soften hearts and situations. The bible says wives submit to your husbands as unto God. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Submission and love go hand in hand in my mind. When a couple proclaim love to one another, they are proclaiming putting the partner first.

  1. What is the best part about being a wife?
The best part about being a wife is knowing you have a man in your corner who loves and cares about you. It is the companionship, having someone who wants and prays for your good and who you can also help to achieve his purpose. On a very light note, when I am out with friends there is no pressure to impress anyone. I can just go out and have fun.

  1. What is the hardest part?
The hardest part of being married is finding a middle ground; Finding a balance; juggling life as a wife, mom, working, taking care of the home. All these can be overwhelming. You don't want to neglect your husband because of the kids and vice versa.

  1. Which one do you find harder- Marriage or Parenting? 
I think they both have their highs and lows but personally, parenting takes the cake for me. With marriage, you know you are dealing with an adult. You can establish how you communicate when you have disagreements or differing opinions. And if you've been with someone for a while, you know them. The skills required are ones that I learned growing up. Now parenting, is different. It is a huge responsibility. You have the fresh page on another person's life to write on. You are the potter's assistant and you have been given the opportunity to mold. You must try to do a good job. The skills required are ones that I don't even know if I have. Everyday you are learning something new  and you are re-learning things you thought you knew. It is an awesome responsibility.
  1. Is love enough for a marriage to survive? What other qualities does a marriage need to last?

Love is important in marriage but it is not the only ingredient required to make marriage last..Good communications lines, compatibility, trust, respect, friendship, sharing the same values are all required to cook the marriage soup.

PS: If we are talking about unconditional love,the kind of love proclaimed in 1Corinth 13, the kind of love that is patient, kind, not boastful, arrogant or rude. That kind of love never fails and that kind of love is enough for marriage. The only way to achieve this kind of love is to operate on God's wavelength.-----response by Mr. O

  1. What are your thoughts on premarital sex and what effect do you think it has on a marriage?
When God creates something, it is to serve a purpose and for a reason. Sex is His idea, designed  for a couple committed in marriage. My thoughts on premarital sex? Premarital sex is wrong. There is so much pressure on young men and women to have sex all in the name of love, but if you really love someone, you will be patient, put a ring on it and then enjoy all the sex you want.

13. What advice do you have for singles looking to get married?
Get to know yourself better. Travel. Invest. Be the kind of person you will like to marry

You can check out Okeoghene's blog here


  1. Hmmmm I missed a gist there o! You eloped to marry?
    What prompted this decision? That sounds so romantic:)
    Need to hear/read the gist biko!

    1. Thanks Nolimit, for want of a better word, I said we eloped. It felt romantic to me too at the time. Get the gist on my blog. *sorry I dont know how to link yet*

  2. Hmmm, I enjoyed this interview. I also like the fact that she did not shy away from stating the truth that so many people just want to ignore. Pre-M sex is wrong

  3. True honest interview!! and Yes indeed pre marital sex is wrong. Its amazing how many people these days don't think so!!

  4. Beautiful! I enjoyed the story but like Nolimit asked, why the 'eloption' (if there is a word like that) to marry before the big wedding? Maybe ma, you could take us on that trip on your blog...

    May the Lord continue to bless your marriage.

    - LDP

    1. Thanks Sir. We both wanted a small ceremony but our families wanted otherwise. The gist is on my blog but sorry i dont know how to link yet

  5. Nice :o)
    Love love love Mr O chipping in. Talk about being teammates and operating on God's wavelenght. Way to go!
    Err... Sit-at-home mum?! Pray tell, how to you find the time to actually sit down?
    +1 to NoLimit's petition for the eloping gist :o)

    1. Thanks Gbemisoke. There is no sitting down o maybe I should have said stay at home mom. The li'l ones run me ragged everyday

  6. I'm with Gbemi, I could almost imagine him smirking as he chipped in his two

    I so can relate to her when she says parenting def trumps marriage in terms of which is harder...but I guess they both have their "rewards" :)

    1. He even insisted on typing his own bit and said his input would make the interview more I agree with you, they both have their rewards but with parenting, it is a new lesson everyday.

  7. Well said, Okeoghene. I kinda liked your daring act (eloping to a quiet wedding) and I admire your stance on premarital sex. In our world today, it's almost a norm - even among youths in the church! I wish you and your family all the happiness in the world. I totally enjoyed reading this interview!

    1. Thanks Geebee and it sure was daring. I guess I was on adrenaline high all through the minutes we used to exchange our vows, till I got back home.

  8. Enjoyed the interview .. thanks for sharing your experience ..
    can't help but wonder about the "eloption" though.
    thanks soulsistas

    1. Thanks for reading too. I can see "eloption" is a word trending on this page

  9. Mr O said it for me about love being enough. The question is, what is your definition of love? Great interview and answers, more blessings to your marriage!

    1. Thanks Myne. Mr O will be pleased to hear someone agrees with his addition

  10. hahahah all of you amebo pipo, gbemi and co should go to her blog, the gist is there somewhere

    I love it when a couple's foundation is in christ AND they still know how to have fun and enjoy themselves.

    May God bless your marriage

    1. Thanks Dosh. I dont know that tiny info always stands out like a beacon.

  11. Loved this interview! Another thing you might want to consider is life insurance. I work for IntelliQuote and we can help you understand life insurance without any commitment from you. Check out our website.

  12. First off, I will like to thank Soul Sisters for giving me this opportunity to share my story with her readers. Thank you so much. I am much better now.

  13. nice. so why did you quit our job though (just curious) because the into says you are a s tay at home mom