Lots of sex keep our marriage alive ~ Mrs T

We are thrilled to bring you today's guest blogger on the Love chronicles Series- a blogger who choses to remain anonymous. We would refer to her as "Mrs T".  She shares with us about the importance of hearing from God before getting married, that love distance relationships can work, that marriage proposals can happen via email and that lots of sex in marriage can spice up a dry marriage. Very important ;o)  Thank you, Mrs T for sharing your love life with us. 

1. Please tell us about yourself ?

I'm a 33yr old wife of 5 and a half years and mother of a 4-year old girl. I work full time as an IT consultant. I am a Christian who has only recently (in the last 2 years) discovered who I am in Christ Jesus. This means I am confident about who and whose I am. I enjoy life and I am grateful for all God has given me.

2. How did you meet your husband and how long have you been together before you got married?

I met my husband when we were both interns (IT students). We were are different universities so we basically kept in touch via Email. We met in 1998, became engaged in 2002 and got married in 2006.

3. How did your hubby propose?

We were basically a long-distance couple so it was via the same media we had used to communicate. Email!

4. How did you know he was the right person for you?

He had become a good friend but when he asked to become a serious friend, I knew I was not going ahead with a relationship if I was not sure he was the one God had for me. I was one of those girls whose mums had told to start praying for their future husbands from primary school but I did not do any praying until he was in the picture. I told God (and I meant it) I wouldn't go ahead if He didn't want me to and it was one of those occasions I was sure I heard from God.After the first time, each time I went back to pray I had so much peace about the decision, I knew I was on the right track.

Many other 'fleece' moments happened after I said yes that I knew that I knew that I knew :)

5. Did you have your doubts about marrying him? If so, how did you deal with them?

Emmm. Yes. I guess the same as I would have had about anyone else. I had not 'been with' anyone else so I really did not know what to expect in terms of being a wife and having a husband. Just the same general thoughts of not knowing exactly what to expect in marriage in specific terms

6. Has your relationship with your spouse changed from dating/courtship days? If so in what ways?

Yes - even though we had to have a long distance marriage for about half the time we've been married, adjusting when we are together is hard (getting easier with each return). At first, we had gotten to know each other via Email so somehow not getting daily Emails seemed odd.

7. Is marriage hard work?

Yes it is! Learning to love the other person, the way he expects to be loved is hard! Its a tough school but one I've realised takes humility to conquer. I've also learnt that I don't know everything :) Also no matter how similar you thought you were, each person has different world views brought about by different circumstances and tends to see the same thing very differently.

8. How have you dealt with challenges in your marriage?

Talking! We've learnt and are learning to be open with one another but when we have issues (we've had several) just spending time with each other and talking like friends gets us back on the same wavelength. Usually we are both saying the same thing (about the issue) but just seeing it from different perspectives.

I am usually one for speaking immediately while my husband waits until we have a pile of issues to discuss so each of us has had to adjust. For me, I have learnt to file them (not with bitterness) but with the knowledge that this is an issue that needs to be discussed and dealt with later. For my husband, its been that if I cannot wait, then its important to me.

9. How do you handle finances?

This is a difficult question for me because the situation about our finances have changed a couple of times. I mean that at some point or the other, one person has earned more than the other (significantly), one person has been out of work, etc so I guess we are learning how to handle this each time there's a change.

I think one key is viewing finances as a blessing from God for the family so its not so much mine but 'ours'. At the same time, its important that the man is seen to be the head and actually functions in that capacity, so its a balancing act with God's help.

10. How do you put God at the center of their relationship?

Praying together! We've been in turbulent situations and we know that if it was not for God, the outcome would have been very different...so having those times as a 'remembrance' in our relationship has been helpful.

We bless our daughter every morning and speak words of life over her.

We are not on the same page with respect to certain theological topics but definitely on the same page about the fact that Jesus is the only way to God and we attend the same church!

11. When the bible says “wives submit to your husband” what does that mean to you?

Hmmm...it means for me having to give up what I think/know to be right and let my husband have the final say. I recently read Mark and Grace Driscoll's book "Real Marriage: The truth about Sex, Friendship and life together" and though she was talking about Respect, Grace mentioned 'respecting our husbands in our thoughts first which would eventually show in our actions'.

I am applying that to my thoughts about submission. Too many times I have put up appearances of submission but I'm standing right up (stubbornly too) on the inside. Now I'm submitting first in my thoughts and I know eventually it'll show on the outside. The verse 'A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth good things' hits the nail on the head for me.

12. How do you communicate love and appreciation to your spouse?

My husband likes to be touched and respected so anything that 'tells' him that does it. I am learning not to take the little things he does for granted but appreciating him openly.

13. What steps do you and your spouse take to make the marriage feel "alive" or "new"?

Hmmmm. funny the one thing that sticks out is Sex... very very often and trying out new positions.

We both also laugh a lot (at each other and with each other), there's always something new and interesting to laugh about.

14. What key ingredients do you think is required in a marriage to succeed?

Understanding & a willingness to succeed against all odds.

15. What advice do you have for singles looking to get married?
Listen for God's choice. Its so easy to get carried away by various 'factors' but the one thing that'll keep you standing when the storms of life come is the fact that you heard God and he does not and cannot fail.

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