God has a way of making things (even mistakes) work out for our good

Today's love story is from Geebee, a male guest blogger this time around. I must confess I struggled a bit with the questions to ask Geebee as his story is um different from what I am used to (and I don't mean that in a bad way) and quite eventful! I love this guy's sincerity & openess and I am truly touched that he agreed to share his love story with us.  I learnt a few things- one of which is not everyone's love story is the same, not everyone's love story is simple and direct. Also I was reminded that despite our mistakes, God still loves us and is working everything out for our good IF we turn back to him..

Oh let me stop blabbing, I present to you Geebee!

Please tell us about yourself?
I am 26 years old and I am different things to different people; a son, a husband, a father, an uncle, a competitor and a friend among other things. It all depends on where you stand. Presently, I am the Principal Consultant of a Private home tutoring outfit and an unpublished writer and a blogger. I am presently putting finishing touches to my first book. I also dabble into some business consulting; doing business proposals, business plans and general content and business writing. I am married with a four year old daughter.

How did you meet your wife?
We met in my second year in University in 2005. We actually started out as casual friends and our romantic involvement was totally unplanned. However, it did happen and almost two years into our relationship, she got pregnant. The amazing thing was the fact that we 'hit the jackpot' the very first time. We were quite young at the time and it was no easy feat preparing for our new life as parents. However, in what could only be described as a miracle, God has worked out the entire situation for our good. We got married last year. Looking back, our story feels like a fairy tale; like a script written by the Almighty God himself. 

Do you think it follows that after pregnancy out of wedlock, the man and lady involved should get married?
Well, I choose to believe nothing happens in this world without the knowledge of God, including unwanted pregnancies. Even the things we consider as mistakes could sometimes be God's plan for our lives and even when they are not, He still has a way of working things out. He is the perfect fixer to every problematic situation and once he's through, what you saw as a problem would hardly look like one. In response to your question, I don't believe pregnancy out of wedlock should be a reason why the couples must get married. For one, they might not even be ordained for each other and the decision to get married could end up affecting the child's life negatively. In a situation of pregnancy out of wedlock, the couple should understand that the life of the child is not in their hands but God's hands and they should only get married if they are convinced they are meant for each other.

So what made you decide to marry your wife in this circumstance?
My parents got separated when I was nine and so I never really grew up knowing what it felt like to live happily with both parents in one home. I hardly have any fond memories of the previous years before the separation in fact. I guess the experience had an effect on me and gave me a rather twisted mindset as it concerned relationships and issues of commitment. I grew up with a fear that my children would end up like me – with separated parents – and from a rather early stage I resolved to make my marriage work no matter what. When my girlfriend got pregnant, I was devastated because I had set specific criteria for the woman I would like to marry and the physical, intellectual and emotional features I would want her to possess. Truth is my girlfriend hardly met any of such criteria as at the time she was pregnant for me. However, I resolved to make the situation work for the sake of my unborn child and in spite of how 'unlovable' she seemed at the time, I began to make myself see less of the obnoxious qualities and focused more on the pleasant qualities about her. Before long, I was in love with her in spite of her limitations. In fact, at a point, they hardly seemed to matter. I stopped searching for 'the woman of my dreams' because I believed then that I had found her, more like created her. For the first time in many years, no other woman appealed to me and our relationship grew stronger. 

How do you feel about your wife now compared with when you were dating?
Dating and marriage are two entirely different things and I say this with all authority. It is possible to date a woman for ten years and not discover some things about her until you get married to her. As at the time we were dating, I was more focused on trying to get out of the relationship especially after observing that the qualities I was after in the 'woman of my dreams' were hardly present in her. She had an air of innocence and naïveté about her that I found quite irritating and at the same time, this was what constantly drew me to her. It was a most inexplicable feeling. However, now that we are married, I've come to see her in a whole new light and I dare say I have been able to create that 'woman of my dreams' in her. Of course, this did not happen overnight; in fact it took over five years of practice and it's still ongoing. I would admit however that she's not perfect (and neither am I) but if there's anything I've come to understand, it is the fact that no one is unlovable. We choose who to love regardless of any criteria or standards we set. There is really no such thing as a ready-made man or woman of your dreams. You can create that man or woman of your dreams.

What are some of the adjustments you have made from being single to being married?
Dem plenty! I'll list a few though. Truth is I have had to make so many adjustments. I have to be a good and responsible husband and father to my wife and daughter respectively and this is no easy feat, especially considering the fact that I am still relatively young. Sometimes, I come in contact with gorgeous and attractive women who assume my wedding ring is simply a fashion accessory. It is usually difficult for them to believe when I insist that I am married. When I walk with my four-year old daughter, most people assume I am her uncle or perhaps her elder brother. Sometimes, I feel a little weird among my friends, being the only married one and while they openly express their admiration for me, I miss the fun we all had together as 'single guys'. We still hang out once in a while but I now have my restrictions and there are a lot of things I would have easily done with them in the past that I can no longer do. Of course, such regretful thoughts always get instantly butted out as soon as I set eyes on my family.

 What challenges have you faced along the way in your marriage?
I had always planned never to get married until I turned thirty and that I had to fast-track the clock by almost five years was a challenge on its own. It took a lot of sacrifice and compromise to arrive at that decision. Also, getting married took the focus off me alone. Instead of focusing on my life alone and making decisions that I felt okay with, I had to begin to consider three people at once and make decisions in consideration of their interests. Now, that is no small work. Besides that, there are financial challenges. I had always hoped to get married at a time I could boast of all the financial comfort I could have. I would have loved to have built my own house, owned a fleet of cars and lived a life of total luxury before marriage but God obviously planned things differently. He has definitely been faithful but I would have to admit that we are not yet where we could be and every day, we hope to get stronger and better. Then of course, every now and then, I find myself in situations where I have to resist advances from other women. I always assumed the solution to temptations from the opposite sex was marriage but I have since been proved wrong. In fact, I have had to resist more temptations from women as a married man than when I was single. My wife and I also have squabbles sometimes but we always endeavour to settle our differences amicably. Generally, it's not been a bed of roses but every day, we continue to grow.

What do you wish you had known about marriage before you got married?I wish I had known that marriage was a one-channel cable TV. Lol. Seriously now, sometimes I wish I had known that marriage would require a level of commitment that would give me less time to think of myself alone. I wish I had known how much compromises I would have to make. Of course, knowing these might not have affected my decision anyway but it would have been better to be aware of all the implications. But then, no one ever knows entirely what to expect in a marriage. It is like a career we take up with a limited amount of knowledge and most of what we eventually know is learnt 'on the job'. We learn new things every day.
 
What this scripture means to you "Husbands love your wife as Christ loves the church"The love of Christ for his church was symbolized by his sacrifice; his willingness to give up his life for his church. The fact that the husbands are admonished in Ephesians 5:25 to love their wives that much symbolizes the importance of sacrifice in marriage. In fact, I choose to define love as sacrifice. You know how much you love someone by how much you are willing to give up, to let go, to bear, to endure and to accept for his or her sake. Husbands should be ready to go that extra mile for their wives and perhaps put their own feelings or wishes aside every now and then for the sake of their wives' happiness. It is indeed not an easy thing to do and that is why it is a sacrifice.
 If you could go back in time, would you change anything?I don't believe in regrets over anything but if I were to go back in time, I would wish my parents had never separated and I had been given the opportunity to grow in a home where there was a perfect love and understanding between both parents but then if that had happened, my life would have probably taken a different course either for the better or for the worse, I choose to agree with God's proclamation in Jeremiah 1:5 where he said "Before you were born, I knew you . . ." As such, I would want to believe God is the author and director of my life's script and everything happens the way it does according to his will. He either permits some things to happen or directly causes them to happen. Thus, I don't think I would want to change anything.

In what ways do you show your wife you love her and what practical steps do you take to ensure your marriage is not boring?Now, that's a tricky one and I would not want to give away my secret recipes (especially not for free). Lol. Anyway, I'll honestly tell you that I am not overly romantic and I am hardly the guy who brings flowers home or buys chocolates and all that but once a while, I tend to spring up pleasant surprises. I like spontaneity and unpredictability so sometimes I simply write a poem for her or take her somewhere we've not been before. I could also get some stuff I know she likes. However, I do this occasionally and it works for me better that way. I feel better knowing that my wife appreciates whatever I am doing and I believe when an action becomes a routine; it becomes less appreciated and boring. We ensure our marriage is not boring by talking to each other very much. We share old stories, gossip and laugh together while in bed and talk far into the night before drifting to sleep and we chat on our smartphones whenever we are away from each other. We also make sure our love life is never boring, trying new things constantly.

What advice do you intend to pass on to your daughter as she grows up concerning dating and boys?Oh that? I have already put her suitor's application fee at one million dollars so any boy who intends to even talk to her must be ready to pay or else . . .  lol. Well, I'll simply tell her to stay as close to her parents as possible. She needs to see us not just as her parents but as her friends and feel free with us enough to let us know everything that bothers her. We would tell her our story and hope she learns from it and allow it serve as her guiding principle in life. She would need to set her priorities in life right and ensure God remains the captain of her ship. Once this is in place, she would have no problems with boys and dating and she would hardly make the wrong choices in life.

What advice will you give anyone finding themselves in a similar circumstance to yours about whether to get married or not?Follow your heart. However, the fact that it worked for me this way does not mean it will work for you the same way. We all differ in temperaments and personalities. In case you find yourself in a similar circumstance, pray to God. It is important that the couple acknowledge their mistake & repent and then ask that God directs their decisions. Discuss with each other and truly know what each of you wants out of life, your goals and aspirations. Determine the possibility of marriage between both of you sometime in the future and if you see it as realistic after considering the situations, decide on a viable timeline within which you intend to achieve all your objectives, and of course keep God in the picture. On the other hand, if you realize you are not compatible enough to get marriage in the present or in the future, discuss the future of the unborn child and decide how your decision would not impact negatively on the child's life and of course, keep God in the picture as well. God has a way of making things (even mistakes) work out for our good.

What advice do you have for singles in general looking to get married?
Determine what you want out of life and set personal goals and timeline for that achievement. Identify the type of woman (or man) who you think would be the perfect partner & friend and complement you in the process of achieving your goals. Ensure your proposed partner has plans for life as well and determine how you fit into each other's lives. Keep God in the picture as well and preferably, keep off from sex. If you know you love him or her enough to want to marry her then you would be ready to make the sacrifice of waiting till marriage. That's just my opinion o! Before some people begin to throw stones at my glass windows. Lol.

I hope you were blessed by Geebee's story. I am sure he won't mind answering any questions :) Please follow Geebee's story on his blog- THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES.  It is based on his true life story with some element of fiction.