"There is no more lovely, friendly or charming relationship, communion or company, than a good marriage." ~Martin Luther

Tuesday, 18 September 2012

Healing and Moving on: Are they the Same?

Today we are honored to have a guest post by Maggielola who blogs at I was totally blessed by her wittiness. I hope this post helps someone who needs healing out there.

source: google images

Healing and Moving on: Are they the same? Maybe they are. Indeed we use them interchangeably and rightfully so. But like fraternal twins, one is orobo (fat) and the other is lepa (slim). I say this because they convey the same meaning but sadly, we have collapsed their functions into one word: moving on.

Sex and love have always fascinated me and I read about them regularly. I'm always eager to know what this jar of cookies promises for those who are obedient to save "The grand Opening" of the jar to the right one. But sometimes we stumble and fall, and this is where the process of moving on and healing comes to play.

I can relate so many premature activities of the heart to buying a small bowl of yogurt and eating it absentmindedly. We forget that the enjoyment is short-lived, and the deliciousness of the yogurt WILL have us wanting more. 

But it does cost us some things; things we most assuredly cannot afford to pay. It costs us hurt, denial, and depression. You feel like complaining to everyone about how bad the yogurt company aka the boyfriend is, but you forgot how often you looked forward to eating the yogurt at the slightest opportunity. 

The anger expressed by the yogurt eater is the emotion experienced by a heartbroken person who has realized that the few moments of pleasure are over.

Let's get digging
If the purpose of ending a relationship isn't to recuperate, smother yourself with love, and prepare for the next one then I wonder what the purpose is! 

Interestingly however, like all business transactions, you do have to end every bad relationship very well and moving on is the process.

We have reached out to certified coaches who arm you with commitment sirens, machetes and love portions. In as much so, love portions aren't only mixed in cauldrons; they're in every book that teaches you to switch into attack and defense mode to subdue the alpha male. 

(Note: I didn't say they're all evil). But my problem with these programs is that they neglect nurturing of a wounded spirit and simply encourage you to move on.

I kid you not, there is no "Eureka!" during the course of simply moving on. If care is not taken you could slide into your past by reminiscing over your failures. 

The fact that you've broken all communication with your ex and have revisited your Mr. Perfect list doesn't mean you're on a healing path. You might be moving on, but are you on the path to restoration? And how will you find love if you're always moving on?

But moving on does work, right?
Simply moving on doesn't soothe your heartache. Forget what relationship experts say about staring in the mirror daily and screaming "I'm beautiful". Half the time, just moving on will bring to your attention all your "I could've haves" and "Had I knowns." 

Emotional healing cannot be rushed. There are no ABC steps/rules to healing; there are only godly steps to healing. Healing goes into your spirit man, the one who has been aggrieved, and you need time to tap into that spiritual realm.

We have trivialized the concept of healing such that our main priority is to rid ourselves of the emotional baggage- which is true. But for healing to take place, there needs to be brokenness. 

You need to be broken and humbled for your creator to remove the arrow lodged in your heart, preventing you from moving forward to where He has prepared for you.  

An auto mechanic cannot repair a broken vehicle that is cruising at 50mile/hr on the highways; he has to turn off the engine, diagnose the problem and determine what parts to replace. 

In most cases, the initial problem is hidden while the trouble you're experiencing with relationships are just wear and tear on parts always in motion! (Think about that)

The healing process craves and deserves more attention than moving on. Your closure and counseling prepares you for healing, they do not give you healing. They prepare you to move on. 

Your healing comes from God who heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Healing means rebirth, weights lifted off your shoulders, and a revelation of what is to come!

True healing comes when you can safely look at your scars and smile because you're reminded of your strength, not pain. When you are healed, you would reach out to the ones who hurt you to pray for them because you've been set free from shackles of condemnation. Healing means you've been delivered from pain. Moving on does not guarantee that!

However, you can hasten the moving on process by retracing your steps to God. If you are looking for love you need to find God. Know the real meaning by learning from Him and then you will be able to apply this knowledge to your relationships. Find a man who fears God and he will love you for the rest of your life!

So what are your thoughts are healing and moving on the same thing?

Maggielola is currently a Social Media and Marketing intern with the American Diabetes Association North Dakota office. A faith-based blogger at with an emphasis on women and relationships with Men/God, she fantasizes about planning a powerful all-female concert with over 3000 women and gospel artistes in attendance! She’s an avid watcher of Korean dramas but still has hope in Nollywood. :)

The Nigerian Blog Awards is ongoing please nominate our blog- for best relationship blog and best group blog. Thank YOU!


  1. GREAT post!
    Thanks for sharing, I believe I will be reading it a few more times :-) xx

    1. Thanks for reading :) @ 1+ The one

    2. I learnt a lot. I love d last sentence, about getting married to a Christian and he will love U̶̲̥̅̊ 4 d rest of ur life. Totally agree! God is love and for a man to be able to love his wife for the rest of her life (with the kind of love she will enjoy), he must have God.

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