"There is no more lovely, friendly or charming relationship, communion or company, than a good marriage." ~Martin Luther

Sunday, 20 November 2011

The Role of A Wife

Last weekend, we started the topic "Who is in Charge?" and discussed the role of the husband in a marriage. From the comments we received here and on twitter it was clear that God is in charge however, the man has been commanded to be the head and loving leader in a marriage. Today we look at the role of the wife.

"The major function of a woman in marriage is that of submission to her husband's leadership". Hmm that word submission for a lot of people has a negative connotation. I certainly didn't like that word a lot before I got married. Submit? Whyyy? Writefreak blogged about this a while back as a lot of women see submission as a form of slavery. You can check the post here. The comments were really interesting.

Ephesians 5:22-24 New International Version (NIV) Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Image from google images
Some women say well my husband can be the head while I am the neck and I can turn him whichever way I want. lol, That seems funny but in reality that is how a number of women have decided to resolve this submission matter.  Our attitude towards submission shouldn't be one of fear but it is "to be enjoyed, and when rightly understood and practised, it helps a woman experience the security she needs."

So the multimillion dollar question is what exactly is submission?

SH says "submission is really an attitude or a frame of mind. It recognises that just as Christ was subject to God, and that the church is subject to Christ, so a woman ought to be subject to her husband. By this attitude she is saying 'I believe God has arranged the structure of marriage in harmony with the highest principles of the universe. And one of those principles is submission to a higher authority. God has placed my husband above me, not to be superior to me, but to be my spiritual covering and protection. God will protect me from harm through him and as I recognise this principle and live happily and contentedly beneath it, I shall be relieved of a great deal of the stresses and strains of life because Gd has arranged and equipped my husband to carry them.'"

So how then do I submit to my husband?

It is one thing to believe the scripture above but how can a wife practice this in her every day life. Women, are you ready for some hard truths? I won't lie, I sobered up after reading this part.

  1. Transfer to your husband the responsibility of making the final decisions. Yes husbands and wives should look at issues together, wives should express their opinions, however the wife should leave the final say to her husband.  If you feel he is making the wrong decision, tell him presenting facts not based on emotions. If he disagrees, still allow him the privilege to implement his decision. Do not nag, and if you feel it is a matter of life and death take it to God in prayer and leave it at that. On another note, what if your husband is about to make a decision and has not asked your opinion about it. SH says "give it anyway but in the spirit of proverbs 31:26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.  Ask yourself how will my words affect my husband- will it make him feel inferior or jeopardise his role as the leader?" Aim to speak with kindness.
  2. Respect your husband. "A man thrives in his role as a spiritual leader when he is assured of the respect of his wife. The power of respect helps you turn your man into the man you and God want him to be.  1 Peter 3:1-2 says- Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives,when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.  By a wife's behaviour towards her non Christian husband she could even win him over to Christ. Notice him, regard him, honour him, praise him, love and admire him. "Nothing will be too big for your husband to achieve if he has your support, admiration and respect."
  3. Be wise in the way you handle money. A number of men expect their wives to be able to manage the finances of the home especially when she has shown wisdom in that area. Emulate the Proverbs 31 wife, she was a very good investor and business woman. On another side, when cash flow is tight in the home, a wife's attitude towards the problem can either make or break the man. Men are designed to provide for their families and may feel like failures when they are not performing in this area. This is where the wife needs to show her full support in her attitude and action. Scolding, nagging or pouting might only push him over the edge into physical or emotional illness. Learn to put your confidence in God to assist with your family's finances and put your trust in him rather than material things. Learn to be content whether there is plenty or little and also adjust accordingly. 
  4. Ask God to show you areas where you have assumed leadership in your home and begin to transition the responsibility of leadership gradually to your husband. For example you can tell your children to go ask Daddy whenever they seek a major decision. Get him involved in looking at schools you have lined up for the children to attend, holiday plans etc (these are just some examples). Be a good follower and tell him how much you enjoy him taking charge of things (you have to mean it, if not it would surely sound condescending). It may be difficult initially but as you ease yourself out of the leadership role, remember to compliment him along the way and in no time he will enjoy being the head of the home. 
  5. Determine to obey God's word irrespective of how you feel, or whether it is convenient for you or not. If this is an area you are struggling with confess it to God and ask him to help you.  SH says "if a woman finds it difficult to submit to her husband the problem is much deeper than that- she finds it difficult to submit to the Lord." It probably means you have issues trusting in God. You might feel if you don't stand up for yourself, and be assertive your husband might walk all over you and things won't work out the way they ought.  If God commanded wives to obey their husbands then we have to accept it just like we accept the commandment of "do not steal" irrespective of how we feel. God knew what he was saying when he told wives to submit to their husbands. He has your best interest and that of your husband's in mind. He wants you to feel secure and relaxed. But you ask how can I feel secure and relaxed when I doubt my husband's ability to lead. I can probably do a better job. Well first of all, should I remind you, you chose this man as your husband and in choosing him you chose to submit to his leadership, secondly this is where your trust in God comes in. Do your part in obedience and let God deal with your husband directly without your interference. He has the power to change your husband (trust me you can't) when you stay in the place where God wants you to be. So SH says wives "let go, relax! You can enjoy the freedom of knowing that as you submit yourself to your husband and pray for him, God is in final control. He will not allow any harm come to you".
In conclusion- "Your joy doesn't depend on circumstances- or whether your husband sees the importance of being a loving leader- it depends on your fellowship and obedience to God. "

A note to singles from me- which Writefreak also mentioned in her post. You are called to be submissive to YOUR husband, not any or every man.  Also choose the man wisely and prayerfully as there is no "if" in that commandment i.e respect if he is nice, respect if he provides. Nothing like that o. You'll have to submit regardless. 

Remember this topic is from a Christian perspective, society may say something different, you know equality and all. But we have already established both husband and wives are EQUAL however they have DIFFERENT roles to play. The way I see it, it is an order thing, even at work we submit to our bosses.  The diagram below sums it all up for me. 

Image from

So people/wives, do you now see submission in a different light knowing it isn't about what your husband is doing but about your obedience and trust in God? What are your thoughts on this topic. I look forward to your comments.

Next week we shall discuss Communication. Remember you can subscribe by email or by following us so you don't miss a post.

God bless.


  1. That diagram is a beauty. Puts everything in context.
    My girl is definitely submissive. Strange that I find it difficult to use the word submissive here as it is beginning to sound derogatory. It is not.
    She is the Finance Director in our home as I have suddenly realised that she does a better job of managing our finances. I only do a better job of recording them.
    We have had to deal with a lot of struggle and push back from both ourselves to get to this point though.
    Great piece, Aloted.

    Now I need to work on getting her to include 'worship' to the 'submission'.
    That will make it even more complete.

  2. Thanks Tobenna!

    I know what you mean about the word submissive being derogatory. Sigh.

    Good to know you and "your girl" have this submissive gist on lock down :)

    Worship? O_o. Lol. That was too funny

  3. Thank you so much for the comment on my blog. So sorry for the delay...too much school work. Please visit again. I like your blog the vision :D

  4. What a beautiful post! I always feel uncomfortable with the word "submit", but it is what is required of us as wives. I am on my knees with this one. My husband lets me make a lot of decisions which I really appreciate but reading this post is a reminder thath I still need to submit to him. He needs tro know that I cannot make any decision unless he has authorized it

  5. I disagree with you on Singles not submitting to any other man sbut their husbands. I believe if you are in a relationship, there still has to be a level of submission. Courting serves as a test before marriage and if you can't submit to the leadership of the current man in your relationship, then you can never and i mean ever submit to him in the marriage institution.

    It baffles me when people who have been married for 24hrs suddenly think they have all the answers to Single peoples questions

  6. Hi Oo. What I meant here was any other man such as another person's husband not the man you are going to marry so we are saying the same thing.

    Lol@ married for 24 hrs. If you check well, no where on this blog does it say we have all the answers. If you don't agree with us, that's perfectly fine. Thanks for stopping by

  7. I totally agree with you on this. I also take it for granted sometimes.

  8. @ 1st paragraph, if that's what you were saying then it applies to both singles and married. Why did u have to dedicate it to singles?

  9. does it mean that women should only submit and not love their husbands? that's the impression the diagram kinda gives.
    also, is it possible for wives to submit and love, and is it possible for husbands to submit and love.

  10. the diagram is only showing how submission works even in our society and nothing about love.

    Of course wives should submit and love their husbands. Same goes for husbands. The bible says we should submit to one another and also called us to love.

    I hope thats clearer now :)


Please share your thoughts or questions with us