"There is no more lovely, friendly or charming relationship, communion or company, than a good marriage." ~Martin Luther

Friday, 10 August 2012

Know Yourself Before You Get Married

"Can two walk together except they agree?" Amos 3.3

source: google images
Knowing yourself is a prerequisite to knowing WHO to marry. When you are truly aware of who you are it will be hard for you to marry Mr. Wrong. 

Knowing yourself helps you know your value and your worth. That way you would not sell yourself short. It will be easy to separate the weed from the chaff (yes we are talking about men)

Getting married shouldn’t be based on sentiments, pity or lofty emotions. In fact I almost see choosing a life partner as a form of business transaction.

Some areas to know about yourself include:

Your Strengths

God has given every single person strengths and abilities. What are you excellent at? What do you do flawlessly? Note them down; if you are not sure ask your friends and family.

In a successful marriage your strengths should complement your partner’s weaknesses e.g. you are good with excel spreadsheets and keeping account of your finances. This will be a great benefit to a man who loves to spend but needs someone to balance the accounts.

Your Weaknesses

These are areas you are struggling with or working on. It does not make sense to marry someone who has similar weaknesses to you. You are heading for doom.

I once dated a guy who was very short tempered. I on the other hand can be hot tempered and quick to vent when I am angry (ya ,ya I am improving, marriage is teaching me! Thanks for your

I saw him angry on a few occasions and let’s just say it was never a pleasant sight. He was a good man and ticked a lot of boxes. However recognising my own weakness, I knew it would be suicidal to marry him. I bowed out as fast as I could.

If you are like me, you want to marry a man that compliments your hot temperedness. Someone who is patient and calm, who can douse your anger when it raises its ugly head.

Can you tell by now I have a calm husband?

Your Passions

What are you passionate about? What gets you going? What keeps you alive and fulfilled? This is another key area you cannot compromise on.

If your intended is not thrilled about your passion or his passion will not make room for you to follow your passion, then think twice before signing the dotted line.

Marriage should benefit both parties not just the man.

You don’t have to be passionate about the same things but the key is in knowing if the man you want to marry will support your passion and not hinder you from fulfilling it.

Your Purpose

This is similar to your passion but is of a higher nature. Your purpose is bigger than you. What is your purpose in life? What is your vision? Will marrying this guy kill your purpose or make it come to live.

What is the man’s vision? Do you see yourself being a part of his vision?

Does he even have a vision? If he doesn’t, um how are you going to help him?Remember a key role of the wife is to be a help-meet to the husband, so he has to have something you are helping him with, right?

When you get married your destiny is tied to the person you marry FOREVER. A lot of marriages are in trouble today because the man and wife have separate visions and there is no common ground. This drives them further apart and before you know it there is resentment and unfufillment in the marriage. Infidelity and Divorce lurk quietly around the corner.

This will not be your story but you have to do the work BEFORE marriage. Invest in knowing yourself and any man that wants to marry you. It will make identifying Mr Right easier.

God has given you wisdom; use it when choosing your life partner.

Marriage is hard work enough; don’t make your life and future any more complicated by marrying someone you are not compatible with

Singles- do you think it is important to know who you are and if you are compartible with someone before marriage?

Married folks- was compartibility a determining factor in choosing your spouse or not?  

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  1. Great read and a good take-away message! It is very important to complement your partner and I love what you said about vision: as you know I see the man as the head of the household and if he doesn't have a vision for his life, how will he recognize if I am a good fit for his life, or that he's a good fit for mine? It's too easy to make the wrong choice, and I like what you said about marriage tying your destinies together. It's very important to choose right the first time and I'm excited about making the right choice!

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. I am so exciting that you are committed to making the right choice and I know the Lord will guide you.

  2. Great post! Compatiblity and sharing similar passions definitely played a large role in choosing my partner.

    1. Thanks Myne for sharing. Compatibility is key!

  3. Great points!

    The bit that always concerns me as a single [not so young] woman is 'Purpose'. What does one do if they don't quite know or haven't quite figured our exactly what they have been called to?? I totally agree its important cos how else do you know that your destiny aligns with the one you want to marry?

    So how does one walk the line? Life doesn't quite wait for anyone...i'm not suggesting rushing into a relationship. Just wondering how a christian goes about 'dating' with that little "hang up"

    1. Hmm that's a good concern you have raised. I think we find our purpose in what we are passionate about and then as we explore it, it becomes higher than us.

      Also I think with just obeying God's daily instructions and using our lives to bless each others, God begins to reveal a greater plan for our lives. not sure if that makes sense.

      Also if you can read the book purpose driven life by Rick Warren.

  4. Haha on the business transaction thing! I didn't think someone else would share my beliefs on that. I want to say that our forefathers sometimes knew what they were doing when arranged marriages was the ish then. Being extremely emotional does not make one marriage material, neither does it mean that one can love "very well". Great post!

    1. Anytime I say that business transaction phrase, some people look at me funny but it's the truth.

      Marriage has to be beneficial to both parties. I dont want a liability neither should I be a liability to a man.

      And I know what you mean about arrange marriages...hardly did you hear of divorce in those days. Emotion is not a good litmus test for marriage

      Thanks for your comment Maggielola.

  5. I love your blog! very inspirational...I found you through your comment on Esteris blog. Keep up the good work

  6. Very powerful message, ma.
    Thank you for sharing. As GnG said, its a good take home.

    - LDP

    1. You are welcome LDP...

      How are you doing?

  7. tanx fr blesing us with this aloted

    1. You are welcome dear sugarspring :)

  8. Compatibility is important.
    Like the bible says, "can two walk together except they agree?"
    You need to be on the same wavelength on many levels.

    1. Sis Gbemisoke, you are absolutely right. Thank you


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