"There is no more lovely, friendly or charming relationship, communion or company, than a good marriage." ~Martin Luther

Wednesday, 18 March 2009

Becoming One Flesh- When?

Hello good people, I hope you are doing well?
Writefreak and I have a few poignant topics, based on the need we see on blogville that we will like to write about but some research is required. While we do our research, please enjoy this article I wrote a while back on my other blog. A few changes have been made.

Just My Humble Opinion! Feel free to agree or disagree :)

When the bible says that “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” I believe becoming “one flesh” in all areas should ONLY happen in marriage. Many single people especially ladies in relationships are jumping the gun and already becoming one flesh with their partners. Am not talking about sex, that is a diferent topic for another day (yes we shall be talking about this very soon). I am actually talking about ladies becoming one flesh emotionally with their partners. Ladies who do not have lives of their own any more but are glued to their boyfriends or fianc├ęs. I am saddened when I see ladies behave so carelessly.
Some ladies in the name of love abandon their girlfriends when they start a new relationship revolving their world around their men. The guy gets tired of the relationship, dumps girl and the girl is left stranded with no friends for support. Being in love is good, sweet, heavenly etc but we should not let our love become something else in the process. A good friend of mine said to me once: “In marriage 1+1 = 1 but in a relationship 1 + 1 = 3". I asked him to elaborate on this. He explained that when you are married you become one with your partner because you practically start a new life together, ideally start having sex (spiritual oneness..some deep stuff we can't go into now) but when you are single and in a relationship; the girl has "her life" (1), the guy has "his life" (2) and they “their life” (3). Meaning that both the girl and guy should have both individual and common interests. I totally agree with this analysis. This way there is a balance in the relationship. When there is no balance, one person will always feel choked in the relationship and this can be disastrous.
Some examples of "clingy" behavior:
- When most of the girls at your birthday gig are girlfriend's to your man's guy friends and not neccesarily your own friends.
- When a girl can’t go anywhere alone– parties, outing with other friends etc except Mr. boyfriend comes along. If boyfy can't come, she will find an excuse to back out of the outing
- When everything a girl talks about is remotely or directly linked to her boyfriend. She must always mention boyfriend's name in every sentence. Personally I don’t have an issue with girls talking about their men but am sure we can have a decent conversation without his name been mentioned in every sentence!
- Mr Boyfy has to endorse everything she does, wears, spends etc.
I can go on and on about examples but that is not the point. The point is ladies need to reach a point in their lives where they don’t have to rely on mr. boyfriend for everything. Ladies that are overly dependent on their men are setting themselves up for a BIG fall either now or in the future. The irony of the matter is that guys in relationship still hang out with their friends, so why can’t we ladies take a cue from guys…why do you feel that until you forsake every thing for a guy he won’t/can’t love you. That is a lie from the pit of hell. I implore you singles, in relationships, about to marry etc please note that a mature guy respects an independent woman and not one that clings. Get a life, get a hobby, get passionate about something outside of the man in your life. You need it! Even in marriage, becoming one flesh with your husband doesn’t mean not having a life of your own.

We have been called to live a purposeful life and this definitely involves more than the men in our lives.


  1. u hit the nail right on the head!!!! i have always prided myself in being an independent woman in a rhsip. cuz i know these men will never leave their friends for u, infact some times they chose their friends over u so y cant i do the same. I know when theres a boundary btw friends and ur boyfriend and thats where a lot of women fall short. I have a friend, u never see her when shes dating and when its over, she wonders why she got dumped. My brothers always tell me, never be too clingy or dependent on ur bf... its a huge turn off. show him that u have a life of ur own. Men love that attribute.....

    p:s- sorry about the and yes, bring on that sex post asap

  2. Where were you 6 yrs ago when I needed to read this or hear it from someone? I discovered it the VERY bitter way.

    As always, thanks for sharing!

  3. Oh well we cant put blame on babes with this attitude. In my own opinion i think such act in plain words shows that the babe in question has a form of complex. WHich has surely put the babe under the influence of ''without boyfy i am incomplete''

    Survey shows that most guys are not into clingy woman, to the face of the woman he takes it all in, once he is alone with awon boys he begs for help.

    May God help women!

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. mature guy...

    These words stuck out to me most.
    I think you hit the nail on the head.

    I'm a guy who has few friends and DOESN"T go out with his buddies except maybe 3-4 times per year. My GF has a more social life which I support. I know this is part of her and I do not wish to change her. I know it is something she needs and I want her to have that in her life.

  6. The way i look at it, even in marriage i and mine will not be together all the time. My friends have been there for me though it all and just because i'm in a relationship doesn't mean i won't need them. In fact i will need them even more then because they will see things that i won't be able to see. Besides after marriage.
    I think there is a role that people play in my lives and there are some things that only my friends would be able to do for me that even my husband can't

  7. Preach! A woman who has a life is very sexy in my opinion!

    (Nice to see you, aloted!)

  8. Lesson learned. Thanks Aloted!

    Missed u! Hope u r ok? And howz ur dad?

  9. loooool...lesson learned!
    i have been ONCE guilty of dis ooo


  10. i like the idea...1+1 being 3

  11. Wow this is such a great post, so true and so needed to be said and known. Most women need to be told this. Ive made the same mistake myself and I really needed to hear this many years's been tough learning it the hard way and I'm STILL trying to get there but it's happening.I've never done any of the things you mentioned but you get the drill. Being too dependent is a big no-no, and to avoid it one has to look truthfully in the mirror and work on it. I love the 1+1=3 thing that says it all. Balance is the keyword.

  12. word...couldn't have said it better

  13. Yup! I needed to hear that. I'm always trying to check I don't fall into that trap, and sometimes unfortunately I do. But I keep checking in on that so hopefully it won't get any worse.

    Thanks for that.


  14. from d Activists interview i heard about this blog

    very relevant
    i will add it to my blogreel

    i never thought about it this way
    one flesh

    food for thought

  15. so very true, i had a friend who wouldn't go out with me again cos she wants to spend d weekend with boyfy but boyfy leaves her at home ALONE and goes out for the night with he's guys.

    Chick called me to complain, it took everything in me not to hang up.

  16. oh yeah, bring on the sex post

  17. Loving the bit about - “In marriage 1+1 = 1 but in a relationship 1 + 1 = 3"
    Nice one.....!!

  18. Loving the bit about - “In marriage 1+1 = 1 but in a relationship 1 + 1 = 3"
    Nice one.....!!

  19. This was great and one has to balance it out. I sometimes feel clingy to my Fiance and he does the same but we both learning to balance our lives so that no one feels cheated. Great post and I loved this.

  20. OUCH! tHIS NAILED ME. I've definitely learnt from this post. Sometimes I can have the clingy thing but the long-distance relationship I'm in checks it.

  21. PLS I just have to say God bless you and all your posts....Some of friends cannot seem to get this message... I thank God for letting me know this early n learning from people's mistakes. Posts like this only reiterate the point and renews my strength!

  22. Girl that is Sooooooo true! You are so correct. Many single ladies and men are putting the carriage b4 the horse. The right way to do it is how the word of God instructs us. Nuff said!

  23. nicely written aunty I totally agree. I always also wonder why when a man gets married he still keeps his friends but when a woman marries she looses all her friends. I see it happen all the time. Maybe it has to do with the fact that women are taking care of the home and children and have no time to keep up with friends and men can just go to the bar after work and hang out with friends. NOt sure if many women would have a hang out spot after work with their friends

  24. Shall I beg for an update :)

  25. dear all, many thanks for your commets. i am so sorry for not replyin individually. may God grant me strength!!!! pls pray for me :)

    Rita dear we have updated :)


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