"There is no more lovely, friendly or charming relationship, communion or company, than a good marriage." ~Martin Luther

Friday, 6 March 2009

Recipe for Love

I was inspired by a friend sometime last year to write this post. I have added and subtracted a few things here and there. Some of you might have read it on my other blog or not but I thought it might be a good read here, so here goes:

I asked if my friend had a girlfriend and he said yes. I asked because he was making me laugh a lot, very funny guy, anyway I told him I’m sure his girlfriend has a great time with him because he'll be making her laugh a lot. And then he said it is possible he makes other people laugh and no matter how much clowning he does, if his girlfriend is not happy with him, she is not. Sadly, this is true for a lot of people, they can converse freely with other people, laugh with them but their relationships with their partners are going awry or lacking spice. How many times have relationships ended because of these reasons: "we have fallen out of love", "he doesn’t appreciate me", "she doesn’t respect me" etc. You can add some of your own personal phrases if you like.

I think I might know some ingredients for a loving and lasting relationship. I haven't been at this long enough i know, i only got married 2 years and 3 months ago (can you imagine, I originally wrote this when we had been married six months) but i was in a relationship that lasted 6 years and ended in marriage to my wonderful husband. There are principles which do not change over time and i'd like to share them.

Here are some tips i think are important for a wonderful and loving relationship:

* Laugh together - Laugh at yourselves, there are things that happen everyday that we can choose to laugh about. Joke about your mistakes, don't be touchy...Just look enough you will see reasons to laugh.

* Avoid criticism- You really don't have to mention everything that goes wrong, criticism kills a relationship. Find loving ways to communicate correction (note I said correction not criticism). Human beings generally do not like being corrected, the only way it's palatable is when we're sure the other person is looking out for our interest and is not proving superior.

*Pray together- An old saying goes "a family that prays together stays together", i guess that says it all.

*Give gifts- "You can give without loving, you cannot love without giving". Your gifts don't need to be expensive; the thought does it for most people especially if you're like me. The past few days, hubby has been coming home from work with things he knows I’ll like, they’re not big things but they go a long way in saying ‘I was thinking about you’.

*Spice it up- Don't be dry, find interesting things to do with each other and share some interests. Your own interest might be watching movies together, do it as often as you can, it might be swimming, just think of anything you can do together for fun. Don’t get too old for fun!

*Respect- Respect, i beg to differ is not domination!! Respect according to the dictionary in simple terms is the condition of being esteemed or honored. The other person wants to feel like you value them. Show some respect. If you're married, don't invite guests over without notifying your spouse, it shows a sign of disrespect. The first time some people hear of something going on with their partner is when their friends say it to their hearing. Show some respect for each other! Always ask yourself before doing something, will it honour or show esteem for my partner? And women, massage the guy's ego. Every man likes to feel he's in charge, i know it's hard in these days of "girl power" but hey, what's most important to you: emancipation or a loving lasting relationship?

*Be open- Don't keep secrets. Try to be each other's best friends. It might be hard initially but it will get easier as you practise this and go a long way in making a wonderful relationship.

*Be committed- Falling in love is a wonderful feeling, a euphoric feeling which you want to have forever. You catch the guy's eyes on the other side of the room and current passes all over your body...girl believe me, this only lasts so much time! The reason most people claim to have fallen out of love is they they think love is that gooey feeling. I'm not saying the feeling will not be there but sometimes you won't have it...Love is most importantly a commitment!

These are a few tips, i could go on and on but they will all revolve around these few theories i guess. Most importantly, the bible teaches us a lot about love and if you're interested you can model 1Cor 13 :4-7 in your relationship, you will never have to fall out of love if you follow the principles stated there. This portion of scriptures says:
Love is patient, love is kind.It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Just ponder on those verses, do you think that with them you could ever go wrong in love? I sincerely doubt.

Falling in love is a wonderful thing, being in love is great and staying in love is awesome! It's like old wine, it gets better with the years.
I'm grateful i found love and i thank God for giving me a husband who teaches me to love daily. To those of you who are still looking for love, i pray you find it and if you have found it, i pray for the grace to hold on to it and be able to stay in it.


  1. I like this, reminded me of some things.
    More grace and happy for you the beauty of your marriage!
    I liek the part of its like old wine, its gets better with time

  2. Olufunke: Thanks Olufunke, how're you doing?

  3. Thanks for this message! Love is truely a commitment and a choice we make. It's not easy but with God in both lives it will be :-)...Have a fabulous weekend!!!

  4. This is a grand recipe for love! Thanks for the tips, many of which can be applied to any relationship involving someone you love too!

    Have a great weekend, writefreak!

  5. Another great write up, thanks Soul is hard work sometimes but the benefits when you get it right pale in comparison. My mantra is maintenance is better than repair! Remain blessed!

  6. true true, 1 Cor 13 : 4-7 is my ultimate recipe for my relationship and even my friendships too

  7. Great piece..... I hope I can keep this stored for when i really need it in future...

  8. great recipe..... would def be useful in the nearest future... thanx

  9. Omo, where do you find all these things? I wish I could write like this, but I'm just too razz not to sound like

    Great job! Have a worshipful weekend!

  10. Aww how cutie cute...great post from the experienced wiffy's talking....YNC is absorbing all the

  11. Brilliant! I like this o jare. THe bible's definition of Love, I find, is still the best I have ever read.


  13. SimpleeMe: Definitely love is more of a commitment than any other thing! Have a great weekend yourself!

    GNG: Yes the tips can definitely be applied to any relationships, whether romantic or not....

    Believer: Yes, maintenance is definitely better than repair...less effort required!

    Jayla: true talk, that part of the scripture speaks to any of our relationships
    how're you?

    DannyB: pls store it all you can even send it to yourself as an email if you want!

    funms: it's useful for even now! i'm sure you have friends that you don't wanna lose *winks

    Neffie: these ones came from my head jare, me sef, i surprise myself
    darling, i loves your style! not all of us should write like this, it will be tew boring! Enjoy your worship too darling!

    Temite: glad you like, i agree with you, that is the best definition of love!
    How're you darling?

    mike: God bless you too and thanks for stopping by!

  14. Thanks for the helpful tips, so real and spot on. And amen to your prayer at the end! Stay blessed.

  15. this was very helpful...thanx writefreak!!!!!

    i will say this again, ur marriage sounds so admirable!!!

  16. I am going to cook my soup...Thank you...

  17. very true and insightful. i personally believe that love will lead to marriage but love alone will not keep a marriage. i'm not married and some pple call me cynical but from what i have seen around me, thats what i have concluded. first timer but i'll be back

  18. Happy you found your love O , and Amen I pray for the grace to hold on to the love I have.
    You have agreat blog here ...check mine out when you have time and leave a comment.
    Chow x

  19. FG: Thanks dear...Amen!

    Buttercup: Thanks darling, glad i can be an's not always rosy but i'm glad i have a wonderful man to share the journey with!

    Rita: Pls make it sweet o! lol

    Bibi: Love will keep a marriage hon...what won't keep it is attraction...true love based on the word will always last because of its definition. Commitment with love makes a marriage work!

    Miss FlyHIgh: thanks for stopping by and the wonderful comment. I also pray for the grace for you to hold on to the love you have!

  20. As usual, another nice one!
    And I find them really practical too. P and I have practiced a few of them for a while and it always works like magic!

    I must tell you though sometimes when you don't find that 'feeling' of love, it gets a bit scary like...It's gone! But nah! Love ain't about feeling, it's about doing, it's about commitment!


  21. Once more girl you've been spot on!!!

  22. It doesn't get any better than the way you put it. I've been happily married for more six years and the spark is still like the first day i met her eleven years ago. Thanks to those guiding principles that i've always believed in. You're fly Writefreak.

  23. It's like old wine, it's gets better with each passing day....I like that.

  24. wow
    I have always tried to follow these principles but I am so happy to have them organized and written down so I can remind myself when I forget. Thank you Writefreak.

  25. Enkay: lol at feeling it's gone! No it doesn't go...we just have to keep seeing the good in each other!

    Shona: thanks, i'm

    Emeka: Wow, six years! that's brilliant! lol @ being fly

    Sirius: I love that line too!

  26. its been a while. I love this post and will continue to reread til it sinks. Lol!

  27. I like this a lot. It is good to hear or read about it again and again. It reinforces the message.

  28. I concur, i have always believed in your spouse being your friend before your lover .If all that connects you is romantic attraction, somewhere down the line , the 7 year itch is going to kick in. And the weak foundation of only Romance , will start shaking and the lack of a real friendship, will not be there to fall back on.

    Friendship should lead to a relationship, Jumping into a relationship without building a friendship first, is what usually leads to heart ache after the euphoria of nu romance wears off.

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