Boundaries, do we need them?

Without preparation, failure is inevitable. If u fail to plan, you plan to fail. A wise man once said 'begin with the end in mind'.

Have you been in a relationship where you started with no definition,and then wondered 'how did we get here'? You started out 'going with the flow', things seemed pretty cool and it was easier not to make any decisions, then all of a sudden you found yourself in a position you thought you could never be.

For instance Ade is your very good friend, you feel so close. Eventually, you do what everyone has advised you to do, you hook up somehow. Yay, do I hear wedding bells ringing in your head? You start holding hands, nothing wrong in holding hands, then you graduate to putting your arms around each other which is very cool.

One day you and Ade decide to take a walk in the night, you get to a point where you stop, while talking and enjoying each other's company, the atmosphere is just right for an embrace. You proceed, then somehow, you find yourselves kissing eachother, his hand somehow ends up in your blouse, your head screams an alarm but it feels too right, can something which feels so right be wrong? There's a pang of guilt but you go ahead. In a couple of months, Ade asks you to sleep over, you can't disagree, it will give you time together, yah? Remember you haven't even decided how far you want to go. At first he sleeps on the couch but it's too uncomfortable, so you snuggle together and it's a cold night. Ade puts his arms around you, then his arms start roving your body. Again, the alarm goes off but it feels so right yet so wrong.


When you do not set boundaries, you start resenting the other person when you feel like they have overstepped their boundary. Why? Because in your head, you have the boundary, the only issue is that the other person is totally oblivious to it! Also when you violate your personal boundaries, guilt sets in and you lose a sense of peace. Do I have a witness??

Here are a few tips for setting boundaries in your relationships (applicable to both men and women):

1. Begin with the end in mind- Decide how far you want to go in your relationship. Is this a lifetime relationship or not? Ask serious questions about the result of your relationships. Get to a point where you guys have verbally declared your intentions

2. Make sure you are in agreement - Amos 3:3 says 'can two walk together except they agree?' Agree what are the limits in your relationship. Do we want to stop at holding hands? Are we going to kiss? Make sure your beliefs are similar, else you will not be able to set any boundaries.

3. Have a vision for your relationship. Where do you hope to get? What is our aim in coming together? It might help if you write it down. Remember where purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable!

4. Be accountable to someone- it helps when you have someone you talk to and can be a voice of reason or act as a check. No man thrives in isolation and when you start to go beyond boundaries, you tend to become more secretive.

5. Communicate. Be open and honest with each other. Share your thoughts. There will be times when you will might feel the boundaries are too harsh, share with your partner and let him or her know what you're feeling.

The benefits of setting boundaries are enormous. It gives a sense of knowing what you want, believe in and are willing to stand up for which ultimately will earn you your partner's respect. Start setting those boundaries. It's not too late to start.


'P.S: if you have a topic you would like us to discuss, please feel free to email us. We will do our research and then post on the said topic. Fear not, even secrets are safe with us! :)